


The Linguist Part 3

by Jadders92



Series: The Linguist [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Baby, F/M, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-03-25 21:47:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 31,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3826198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadders92/pseuds/Jadders92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sorry guys! Chapter 2 wasn't taking shape the way I wanted it to. I will update as soon as I can, but this next story line is slightly more delicate than the others and I'd like to make sure it's right before posting. Thank you for your patience. Love Jadders92 xx</p><p>If you would like to contact me, the way to do so is through this email: jadders92@hotmail.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Mission

‘Sweetheart.’ Phil whispered over and over again into your hair, he held you tight against him and you could hear his sobs, though you were beginning to worry, it no longer sounded like happy tears, it sounded pained.

‘Phil?’ You pulled away and held his face to look at him, his eyes were red and that pained expression was worse than ever. ‘What's wrong? We’re having a baby. Me and you, we’re going to be parents.’ When you said it like that you realised just how scary it sounded.

Phil kissed you with an intensity you hadn't felt in a long time, the same intensity he'd had in Lola the first time you'd really kissed. He pushed you against the wall and ran his hands through your hair, before slowing down and coming to a stop resting his forehead against yours and dropping his hands to your hips. You could feel him trying to regain control of his breathing. 

‘I'm so sorry sweetheart.’ He whispered, you made Phil look at you.

‘What for?’ You demanded. 

‘I should've been more careful. I didn't want…’ Phil couldn't finish the sentence.

‘Didn't want what? Phil, please talk to me.’ You tried to keep hold of him, to keep him close. He resisted and simply pulled away. You watched as Phil paced around for a few moments. On occasion he would look at you and give you his pained expression.

Finally you had slumped to the floor, not quite believing what was happening. You thought Phil would have loved you all the more now that you were giving him a child, but he just seemed upset and angry at the thought. Phil picked you up and took you to the sofa. You sat in his arms for a while, hoping that he would explain himself.

‘Sweetheart, I'm happy.’ He began. ‘I'm happy that you're happy, but… are we ready? Being parents is a big responsibility, having a child isn't like having a dog. And the danger we’re putting not only ourselves in, but that of our beautiful child. People will hear of this and we will no longer be safe, they will come for us and try to take away any happiness we might have. Tell me you're ready to face that.’ Phil was playing with a small strand of your hair and resting his lips against your head as he spoke.

You lifted and looked him dead in the eye, you had learnt to always act on first instinct, and you knew how you immediately felt about having Phil's baby. ‘I'm ready. It's no less risk than what my parents took and they had you and Fury and Hill protecting me. Our baby will have captain America, the cavalry, black widow and Hawkeye, Skye, Trip, Fitzsimmons. And us, we’re the most dangerous because I promised that if anything happened to you I would tear the world apart to find you, what do you think I would do for my own flesh and blood?’ 

‘I shudder to think.’ Phil smiled slightly and watched you. You were serious and he could see it. ‘Well I think we can wait til morning to tell Fury the good news.’ Phil kissed you and you held him tight against you. ‘I'll make an appointment with Simmons and she can tell us what's going on in there.’ You heard him say, more to himself than to anyone else. You were suddenly very tired, your eyes hurt and you could feel your body going weak against Phil. He could feel it too, the next thing you knew, you were being carried to bed and you had never felt safer in your life.

 

The meeting with Fury had gone as expected, you simply sat and let Phil do all the talking. Fury listened to Phil, they were best friends and that was something you'd learnt to use to your advantage. You eventually left when Fury decided there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening. Phil took you down to see Simmons to get everything looked at, Phil had his arm around you almost protectively the whole way there, people stared at the normally stoic agent but neither of you cared, you simply walked hand in hand all the way down to medical.

‘Congratulations!’ Simmons hugged you tightly and nearly started crying she was so happy for you. ‘Oh I'm so happy for you.’ She went to hug Phil as well before awkwardly deciding against it. ‘Well, let's take a look then.’ She gestured to a machine you'd never seen before and stepped inside. A large piece of machinery drifted up and down your body a few times and took a map of your body.

Simmons took a tablet and brought up a digital map of every part of your body. You could see everything, your heart, your brain, your muscles, bones everything that was inside of you. It was amazing.

‘Well you're definitely pregnant.’ Simmons joked. ‘Looks like you're quite far along as well, maybe six to eight weeks by the looks of things. I'm surprised you didn't notice sooner.’

‘Only occurred to me last night to check.’ You shrugged still fascinated by the map.

‘Would you like to see your baby?’ Simmons asked with a wry smile. You looked to Phil who suddenly stepped up his interest. You both nodded.

Simmons flipped the map to an upright position and zoomed in to see a tiny image of a creature inside you. It was barely big enough to call a human just yet but you could almost feel it's movements inside you. You instinctively put your hand on your stomach. Simmons had left you both with the image of your child in front of you. For a while you just watched, when you turned to Phil you could see tears in his eyes that he was fighting hard against, you smiled and held him tight against your body.

‘Oh sweetheart, I love you so much.’ Phil whispered against your ear and kissed you again.


	2. A Deep Breath

A few months had passed and you were fast approaching your due date. You had taken up more work with the linguistics department and Phil had continued going on missions on the bus for a couple of weeks at a time. You had kept in regular contact with everyone and sent Phil a few updates on how you were doing and if anything changed in the time he was away. He'd come back a couple of days at a time, but mostly you were on your own until your due date was within six weeks. That was when you and Phil would get time off to get ready for the birth of your child.

You missed seeing everyone but on the plus side you got Darcy back as your assistant. She was extremely excited for you and hadn't changed since the last time you'd seen her, she was just as feisty, just as outspoken and just as lovable as you remembered her.

‘Where do theses ones go boss lady?’ Darcy asked holding up a stack of photos you recognised from Norway. You had taken an office just a floor away from the medical wing, as per Fury’s request, it was large enough to be a conference room which is what you suspected it was before you took it. Moving around had become more difficult, you felt heavy and often like you were too dense to even eat anything, something Parker had assured you would pass five months previously.

‘Just put them with Scandinavia for the moment and we’ll get to it later.’ You answered feeling slightly out of breath for getting up. ‘I'm okay.’ You said when you saw Darcy’s concerned look. You took a moment and continued sorting through documents and artefacts from the bus’s recent trips.

Despite being pregnant, you were actually rather enjoying your work. You were a good field agent but this was your real forte. Translating and discovering new languages. You had thoughts about taking the position full time once you'd had the baby, you felt like you were doing some real good for a change, but you knew Phil would have his own opinions on the matter. 

‘You want some tea?’ Darcy asked as the night fell in. It was late and both of you were exhausted, but something exciting was happening, something new was being discovered and you couldn't just stop and go home, not while you were so close.

‘Darcy, you're free to leave any time you know.’ You reminded her for the fiftieth time that day.

‘Parker is still working, I might as well stay.’ She shrugged and began making you some tea. You felt a slight pain in your side, the baby had kicked, a feeling you had gotten used to and one Phil loved, he would sit and listen to his baby moving around for hours on those precious nights you had with each other. You continued working for a few hours until finally it was ridiculous to stay any longer, Phil wouldn't be happy if you got any less than six hours sleep so close to the due date. 

You made it home and managed to get through all the added security Fury had ordered be put in to ensure your safety. Your bed had never felt so comfortable as you drifted off to sleep.

 

You walked along the beach in Hawaii where you and Phil had decided to make amends. No one was around except you and Phil and your son playing together the way a family should, Phil and your son ran around swimming and splashing in the crystal blue ocean. Everything felt so normal and perfect, you looked up and saw the bright green sky stretching as far as the horizon. The sun shining like a golden orb giving you warmth. 

Your son ran over to you and begged you with his big green eyes to come and play with him and Phil. You did and you swam with him towards the horizon, you looked back to see Phil still standing knee deep in the water waving and watching you. You kept swimming further and further with your son happily laughing and swimming with you. Until the sea began to turn scarlet and your son began drowning, the water was freezing and you couldn't move, you couldn't save him, you could just about see Phil struggling on the shore, a great big slash across his chest meant that he was bleeding out. Your son was being dragged under the water and your whole body was being shaken.

You woke to Phil shaking you awake, you could feel cool sweat trickling over your body. Immediately you checked your bump, making sure your child was unharmed during your nightmare. 

‘Sweetheart, are you okay?’ Phil whispered. He was being as gentle as he could in helping you wake up and take in your surroundings. You still felt shaken though, something had happened but you couldn't remember your nightmare. You only knew that it had been horrible and you had felt helpless. 

You slowly sat up and took in some deep breaths. ‘I'm fine.’ You said as you regained some composure. ‘What are you doing here? I thought you weren't back for another few days.’

‘I got a call to say you were having a violent nightmare, the baby could've been hurt and Darcy didn't know what to do.’ Phil said quickly still checking you for any obvious injuries, you could see bruising beginning to form on his face and you were certain it wasn't his only injury. ‘I'm here now.’ He whispered and kissed your forehead.

You heard someone step into the room and saw Darcy looking tired and worried. Phil checked you were okay and went to talk to her. You leaned back onto the pillow and breathed deeply again. You felt shaky and hoped your baby was unharmed from your sleep, you found it soothing to run your hand over your bump and take deep breaths.

Phil sat back down on the bed and gently kissed the bump and then kissed you with a hint of sadness in his movements. ‘I'm going to take Darcy home and then I'll be right back, will you be okay for ten minutes? It was just a nightmare sweetheart, you don't need to be scared.’ He whispered. You were tired but you nodded and let Phil leave you to continue breathing for ten minutes.

Something had happened, something had caused you to shake in terror. You knew it wasn't so much what had happened, more what you had felt that scared you. You lay still listening the sounds of your apartment, the security system going back to observation, the clicking of the whole building settling. You closed you eyes and saw a sheet of green sky, your eyes snapped open as pain radiated through your body, you felt it worse where you unborn baby kicked and writhed inside you. You were having contractions. Panic set in, Phil would be back soon, but you were in too much pain to even get up and call for help. You shut your eyes tight and tried desperately to breath though it.

The pain began to subside, it wound down to a dull ache before striking again, you felt your eyes water and your body grow weak as you struggled against the agony. It lasted longer this time and you thought you were about to pass out, but eventually you heard the door shut and came running back into the bedroom.

‘Sweetheart!’ He cried, you heard him shouting orders to the AI security system and then go back to trying to get you to calm down. You could almost feel the remnants of the rage monster clawing at your insides. ‘I've got you, it's okay I've got you.’ Phil said as eventually you lost consciousness and fell into a deep sleep.


	3. Naming Names

“Then Simeon blessed them and said to his mother Mary, "This child is destined for the falling and the rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be opposed so that the inner thoughts of many will be revealed-- and a sword will pierce your own soul too.”” (Luke 2:35)

 

 

You woke with the sound of a heart monitor, a safe and familiar feeling washing over you briefly. You could hear the sound of two people talking in hushed tones. You had a pain in your stomach that you couldn't quite place. Your hand immediately went to touch your stomach, it was flat, you could feel your muscles lifting with every slightly more panicked breath you took. Your eyes snapped open and all you could see was bright white lights, you tried to sit up and get someone's attention, but something made you stop. A sound, something you hadn't heard before. Crying. A baby crying next to you. 

Your eyes adjusted to the light and you saw Phil standing with his back to you, he turned to face you holding a beautiful baby boy in his arms. He seemed to barely notice that you had woken up and instead was fussing over the life in his arms. You had never seen him look the way he looked at your child, the pride and joy in his eyes was just enough to subside the pain in your stomach that you now realised was from a c-section, you watched a few minutes longer as Phil held the baby in his arms.

‘Hey.’ Phil whispered as your son settled. Phil still smiled, but you could see the concern in his eyes. ‘How you feeling?’ Phil sat in a chair and held your hand, gently stroking it.

‘Tired.’ You mumbled, your body felt heavy and your eyes hurt, you were exhausted in truth, but you desperately wanted to hold your son for the first time and look at his beautiful face. ‘What happened?’

‘You passed out.’ Phil shrugged. ‘We’re not quite sure why just yet. But as soon as Parker did an emergency c-section, you just went back to normal. There's nothing wrong with our son, before you ask.’ Phil said just as you were about to ask, you watched a small twinkle in his eye when Phil said ‘our son’. He was so happy. ‘Do you want to hold him?’ Phil was already helping to adjust your pillows and help you sit up when he asked.

It was an extraordinary effort on your part but you finally managed to sit up and catch your breath, Phil carefully put your son in your arms and you saw a pair of bright green eyes stare up at you, adjusting to the new face in front of him. You could feel your eyes water and your face turn into a smile. Phil sat just beside you, adjusting the blanket around the baby. He kissed your forehead and whispered against your skin. ‘I am so proud of you sweetheart.’ He kissed you again and both of you sat for a few minutes and you realised now that you were, in fact, a family. ‘Know any good names?’ He asked. You chuckled and thought for a moment. 

‘How about Luke?’ You said, the first name that wasn't Phil’s that came to your head. Phil thought for a moment and nodded.

‘Luke Coulson? Sounds good to me.’ Phil smiled widely and turned to where Romanov and Steve were entering your private room in the medical facility. They both smiled and came to your bedside. Steve had a strange look on his bruised face when he made eye contact with Phil, but you simply ignored it and went back to watching your son. 

‘Luke's a good name.’ Romanov said smiling down at you. ‘Anyone you know?’

‘No, it just sort of came to me.’ You said still watching as Luke slowly closed his eyes and began to sleep. 

‘Here.’ Phil said as he took Luke from you and gently put him back in the incubator to sleep. Phil kissed your head again. ‘I'll be back soon, get some rest.’ Phil smiled but the concerned look was still there. You let him leave with the intention of questioning him about it later. You stared at Luke and watched as he slept soundly. How could you possibly sleep with him next to you looking so healthy and so reminded you of Phil.

You eventually couldn't keep your eyes open any longer and drifted off to sleep. You dreamt of your life as a happy family. 

 

A few days later and you were recovered enough to go home. The drug Fitzsimmons had been working on was still being refined but your healing rate was still working at an increased speed.

Both you and Phil stepped into your apartment with Luke in your arms taking in his new surroundings. You took the next few months to settle in and with Phil making regular visits to HQ and the linguistics department contacting you on various matters, it was beginning to be made clear the kinda of life you were in for. All in all it wasn't that bad, until Phil came home one evening in a foul mood that scared you somewhat.

Luke had been a handful that day, and your work had been piling up. Luke had taken to using his new found skill for walking to see how far he could go without you noticing. It was beginning to be more of an annoyance than you had patience for. But when Phil walked through the door Luke simply sat on the floor and played quietly.

‘What happened?’ You asked. Phil locked the front door and scowled as he went into the bedroom to change. You followed him and hung back by the door. ‘Phil? Another threat?’ 

‘Son of a bitch…’ Was all you could make out from Phil's mumbling. He tore his shirt and tie off and put a fresh t shirt on and did the same with a clean pair of sweat pants. 

‘Phil.’ You said, you took another couple of steps towards him. 

Phil turned and saw you standing in front of him, he searched your face before slowly he approached you and slipped his hands around your waist, he kissed you gently you felt his anger melt away as you deepened the kiss slightly. Phil pulled away and took a breath. 

‘I'm sorry.’ He said. ‘It's just been a long day.’ 

‘What happened?’ You asked again.

‘It was another threat. HYDRA, they're getting more… Graphic in their threats.’ Phil brushed a few strands of hair out of your face. 

‘I don't like you doing this alone.’ You stroked Phil's cheek, knowing how much he liked it and how it always calmed him somewhat. ‘We’re supposed to be a team and here I am translating old ruins while you're out doing all the protecting. You know that's not fair on either of us.’

‘I know.’ Phil sighed, he kissed you again and held you close. ‘How was your day?’

‘Fine.’ You sighed. ‘Luke's been a handful.’

‘I'll keep him occupied for a while if you've got work to do?’ 

‘Do you mind?’

Phil smiled for the first time since getting home. ‘Not at all.’ Phil gave you a quick kiss again and held your hand as you both exited the bedroom. Phil let go of your hand and swept a giggling Luke up off the floor and began playing with him. You smiled and watched them for a few moments before settling down to complete your work. 

You had been in regular contact with Darcy, Trip and Skye, all of which had been given to the linguistics department to use as a mobile unit to collect artefacts of interest in various locations around the world. They had been mostly in Scandinavia investigating a collection of symbols that had you unusually baffled. 

 

Your eyes snapped open and you sat up straight reaching instinctively for your knife under your pillow. All your saw was a sheet of bright green fading into darkness. Phil had woken up as well, you weren't quite sure why, but something had happened. Your whole body was on high alert. 

‘Sweetheart.’ Phil whispered. ‘It was just a nightmare.’ Phil carefully put his hand on your shoulder, you flinched, but Phil simply slid his hand down towards your knife, your grip loosened and your eyes adjusted. You knew it was the same nightmare you'd had the night you'd given birth to Luke. It was unusual for you to have the exact same nightmare, but even stranger that you still couldn't quite remember it. 

You'd calmed down finally, you took some deep breaths and listened to the sounds of the settling apartment. ‘I'm going to check on Luke.’ You'd said and gotten up out of bed to see your sleeping son. He was exactly as you'd left him, peaceful and out for the count. You watched him for a few moments before quickly scanning the rest of your apartment out of habit and returning to bed. You felt something different, you couldn't explain it, but it made you itch, there were secrets being kept and no matter how much you tried to ignore the feeling, it would keep creeping back and sitting at the forefront of your mind.

‘How is he?’ Phil asked, you were slightly surprised that Phil hadn't gone straight back to sleep, he'd had another long day and ended up in the presence of Simmons who'd repaired his broken rib cage with the now much more finely tuned drug you'd had taken many times. You slipped back under the sheets and took a deep breath.

‘Out like a light.’ You answered. You looked over to Phil and could just about make out his closed eyes and tired features. You settled in and rested against his hard chest muscles, you traced your fingers over the scar in the centre of his torso. You placed a kiss against his skin, eliciting a light moan from the pit of his stomach. You chuckled as he turned you into your back and began kissing up your jaw and running his hands over your skin. ‘I thought you were too tired for this.’ You laughed.

‘Yeah, but I'm awake now.’ Phil said in between kisses. ‘And besides, it's been too long.’ You felt Phil chuckled against your neck and shoulder before he gave you a deep kiss against your mouth.


	4. It's Time We Laugh And Dance and Sing Again

A few weeks later and Darcy and Parker had agreed to look after Luke for a night to give you and Phil a much needed break. Fury had put a security detail on Darcy just in case and you were both very grateful, but you knew how hard Darcy had been working in training and decided not to tell her about the detail. Besides it was one night in a million, what was the chances anything would happen on that night in particular?

Phil had told you that he was taking you on a proper date, you hadn't been on a real date in so long and you had been looking forward to it all day. You decided to wear a long, sleek, black dress with a long slit that ran half way up your thigh and a pair of black heels that made your arse look awesome. Phil had opted for an open collar white shirt under his normal black suit. He was watching TV when you entered and didn't notice you until you intentionally bent down just a little too far to grab your white shall from the sofa. It was a warm night, you'd be fine with just that. When you stood up you caught a glimmer of approval in Phil's eyes.

‘You trying to get my attention with that?’ Phil mocked gesturing to your dress.

‘What? This old thing?’ You said playfully. Phil just rolled his eyes and slipped his hand around your waist to kiss you. You could tell he was resisting an urge to do more than just kiss you.

‘So, where are we going?’ You asked pulling away and adjusting your shall.

‘I thought your liked surprises.’ Phil smiled and took your hand. You drove in Lola for around half an hour before you finally reached your destination. Phil had brought you to an upscale restaurant in town that usually only played host to politicians and state officials, but tonight you and your secret spy man would dine like royalty. 

Phil threw the keys to a nervous looking valet who swallowed at the sight of the beautiful corvette that just fell into his hands.

‘Not a scratch, understand?’ Phil said as you took his arm and rolled your eyes slightly.

‘Don't intimidate the poor boy.’ You said walking into the beautiful restaurant that was more like a ballroom hall. 

You were shown to your table in a secluded corner of the restaurant where no one was going to pay you any attention. A few people had recognised you both and you entertained brief conversations of acknowledgement but nothing more than that. One state official had begun flirting with Phil much to your amusement and rather than helping him out of the situation you simply chuckled and followed the waiter to your table.

‘You could've helped me out there.’ Phil said, smiling at your amusement. He sat down opposite you and ordered a bottle of wine.

‘Where would the fun in that be?’ You said barely looking at the menu, instead looking into the crystal blue eyes of a much fresher looking Phil. ‘Besides, it's nice to know that it's not just me that thinks you're hot.’

‘I suppose you're okay as well.’ Phil said playfully. You just laughed, you'd finally gotten to the point of your relationship where you didn't feel self conscious about the way you looked or if you were good enough for Phil, you could relax.

You both slipped into conversation easily, talking about the recent missions Phil had been on, the discoveries you'd made with the linguistics department and then about Luke and some of the things he had been doing while Phil was away.

‘I'm sorry I haven't been there.’ Phil stroked your hand while you waited for your desert to arrive. ‘I'm hoping to complete this operation soon and be home for a couple weeks minimum, I'll be able to help out more and maybe Luke will recognise his father.’

‘He knows who you are Phil.’ You argued. ‘Put it this way, you've been around much more than my dad ever was.’ You smiled and hoped your words were as encouraging as you thought they were. ‘Wait here, I'm just going to the bathroom.’ You left Phil dwelling on your words and wandered towards the back of the restaurant. 

The room itself was brightly lit and you admired the architecture for a few moments before taking your phone out and giving Darcy a quick call.

‘Hey, enjoying your date with your handsome spy man?’ Darcy said picking up the phone. You could hear the TV on in the background and the familiar sounds of Luke giggling.

‘Hey Darcy, I was just checking in.’ You said adjusting your hair slightly.

‘Well we’re all good here boss lady, Luke has had his dinner and is now terrorising Parker, it's fun to watch.’ She chuckled.

‘Good, just make sure he goes to bed soon.’ You chuckled back.

‘Will do boss.’ You heard Darcy move away from Luke and Parker. ‘So more important question, what did you end up wearing?’

‘Wait a sec, I'll send you a picture.’ You found a full length mirror and took a quick picture of yourself to send to Darcy. ‘Did you get it?’

‘Woah!’ You heard her say as she looked at the photo. ‘You look hot!’ She brought the phone back to her ear. ‘Good thing you're taken, I don't think I could handle the kinda attention you must be getting.’

‘Not much attention to be honest,’ you shrugged. ‘Everyone's pretty deep in conversation. Anyway I need to go. Call if you need anything.’

‘Will do boss lady. Have a wicked night.’ Darcy hung up and you left the bathroom to return to your table.

You made your way through the crowds, suddenly noticing a few heads turning and feeling slightly smug about yourself. Maybe you were looking hot that evening. You finally made it back to the table to find the woman that had been flirting with Phil was sitting in your seat and trying desperately to engage him in intimate conversation. You came up behind Phil and put your hand on his shoulder. He nearly jumped up to greet you, Phil kissed your cheek and turned to introduce you to the state official.

‘Miss Bennett, this is my-‘

‘I'm his wife.’ You said holding your hand out to shake the now extremely nervous Miss Bennett’s. She stood and shook it.

‘Phil, I wasn't aware you had a wife?’ She said, clearly not understanding what it was you were trying to say. You caught a glimpse of the slightly shocked Phil standing next to you. 

‘Yes, well, we all have secrets.’ Phil said, a small hint of something else in his voice. 

‘I suppose we do.’ Miss Bennett said and without another word, she returning to her own table.

‘My wife?’ Phil raised his eyebrow as you sat down.

‘Girlfriend sounds so juvenile and I can't exactly say we’re partners, in our line of work that could mean anything. And I kinda wanted to see the look on her face when I said it.’ You chuckled. Phil just rolled his eyes at you and you both tucked into your desert.

Phil opened the door of Lola for you and tipped the valet handsomely. ‘Your lady friend’s idea sir?’ The valet asked indicating the hundred dollar bill Phil hand just handed him.

‘Isn't it always?’ Phil shrugged and got in the drivers side. He gave you a wink and you drove off into the warm night. You hadn't paid much attention but you had driven past a gorgeous monument with a large fountain surrounding it that shone brightly from the lights at the bottom. 

Phil caught you staring and pulled up next to it, you gave him a confused look as he opened your door and led you over to the fountain. You stared down into the fountain and saw hundreds of pennies sitting at the bottom. Phil fished around in his pocket and gave you a penny to throw in.

‘Some people make wishes.’ Phil said, you were suddenly aware of his thumb brushing over your hip and Phil keeping you close to his warm body.

‘What shall I wish for?’ You asked, not being able to think of anything but being excited about having this simple, precious moment with Phil. 

‘What do you want?’ Phil asked you back. You stared up at him, he was so happy watching you. You leaned up and kissed him, you felt his other hand find your face and hold you close, deepening the kiss slightly. Eventually Phil pulled away and observed you.

‘I wish I could grow old, like my grandmother.’ You said and flipped the penny into the water. You watched it sink to the bottom before looking up at Phil and laughing. You could feel the wine beginning to coarse around your body. Phil, unsure of what you were laughing at smiled and held his hand out for you to take.

‘Dance with me.’ Phil said. 

‘There's no music.’ You said, realising how cliché you sounded.

Phil took his phone out and tapped it a few times before a soft melody began to play. Phil put the phone in his inside jacket pocket and slid his hand from your shoulder down to stroke your hand, he gently pulled you close again and snaked his arm around your waist while his other hand held yours on his heart. You began to slowly dance to the music and for while the world stopped, everything stopped and watched this perfect moment between two lovers.

You weren't sure of how long you danced together but you loved it, you loved Phil, this moment, your lives and it was easy. Phil made everything easy. Soon you stopped and let Phil kiss you softly, he breathed you in for a moment before looking at you directly in the eyes.

‘Why don't we get married?’ He whispered, you frowned for a moment, unsure if you had really heard those words from his mouth. 

‘What do you mean?’ Why was that your first response? This gorgeous, perfect man had just asked you to marry him and you had a asked him what he meant by that.

‘I want to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you were by the fountain. Why don't we just make it official. Nothing huge, I know you don't like that, but just something to tell everyone we belong to each other?’ Phil said, still holding you close, you hadn't pulled away, but you knew if you did he would just let you go. 

You thought on it for a moment. Marriage always seemed like a huge deal to you but like with all things, Phil made it easy.

‘Yes.’ You whispered. ‘Yes, let's get married.’ You watched as utter joy turned into pure bliss on Phil's face. He could barely contain himself as he scooped you up and kissed you intensely, you wrapped your arms around his neck and let him kiss you with everything he had.

Both you and Phil got back into Lola and continued to drive home. The top was down and you wrapped your shall around your body leaning into Phil feeling the cool breeze thread through your hair. Finally you arrived home and your eyes grew a little heavy, Phil helped you up the stairs to your apartment and held the door open while you took off your heels feeling the cool floorboards beneath your feet. Phil did his usual sweep of the entire home before coming back to take you to bed. 

 

Phil took your shall and put it down on the chair along with his own suit jacket. He came back up behind you and kissed the tip of the scar on your shoulder blade, he trailed kisses over your shoulder and neck while his hands found the zip at the back of your dress. One of Phil's hands slid down to your thigh and caressed the skin lightly.

‘Do you have any idea what it took not to touch you like this tonight?’ Phil whispered just below your ear dragging a moan from your throat.

‘I guess it did its job then.’ You retorted. You felt Phil chuckle slightly against your neck. He began to slowly drag the zip down your back, letting the dress drop to the floor so that all you had left on was your lacy underwear.

Phil let out a moan as he watched you in the mirror across the room, you smiled as he guided you to the bed, kissing you all the way. You started to unbutton his shirt, desperate for him to be as naked as you were. Eventually he pulled his shirt off to reveal his strong torso beneath, you looked at him for a moment, suddenly feeling very hypnotised by the long scar in the middle of his chest. You traced you finger over it feeling the soft skin.

‘You okay?’ Phil asked watching you. You suddenly snapped out of your trance and looked up at Phil.

‘Yeah, yeah fine. Now where were we?’ You said reached up to kiss him, you wrapped your arms around his neck and felt him let out another moan feeling your bodies pressed together. Phil slid his hands around your thighs, picking you up and wrapping your legs around his waist, he placed you carefully on the bed and you made love to each other with everything you had, because it was easy.

 

You lay resting on Phil's chest just feeling him breathe and being unable to sleep in case Phil did something and you missed out. You felt like teenager again and Phil was your first crush, it felt ridiculous and so incredibly new all at the same time.

‘So, marriage?’ You said casually. Phil just laughed and kissed your head.

‘Yeah, I guess so.’ He said warmly. ‘Name the time and place sweetheart, I'll be there.’ Phil brought his hand round to hold your against his chest.

‘I like the idea of New York in the winter.’ You admitted. You felt Phil frown slightly.

‘Okay. I thought you hated the cold?’

‘Oh I do, I just… It reminds me of when we first met. Do you remember? I finished my shift in the bar and was waiting at the bus stop with a ridiculous crush on this guy who'd come in that night and then, said guy, offers me a ride home.’ You remembered fondly that first night you'd met Phil and the way you'd felt about him.

‘Usually I'd advise not getting into cars with strangers.’ Phil said. ‘But that seemed to work out pretty well for you and this guy sounds like a catch.’

‘I think so anyway. As does Miss Bennett.’ You laughed at him.

‘Oh don't.’ Phil groaned. ‘I felt bad for her, and you were no help in solving the matter.’ 

You kissed his chest trying to hide another laugh. Phil just sighed and began running his fingers over your arm. You snuggled closer into his warm body even though you were already pressed up against him and sighed.

‘So, I've been thinking.’ Phil started.

‘Dangerous.’ You joked.

‘I think once this operation is over, I think I'm gong to retire from field work, officially I mean.’ You could tell it had taken a lot for Phil to say it out loud and so you simply stayed silent and let him think out loud. ‘I'm better at handling anyway and Fury likes me putting good teams together. Maybe its time to stop testing fate and be with the two people who need me more than the rest of the world does. What do you think?’ Phil kissed your temple and waited for your response.

‘You might be right,’ you mused. ‘But would you keep the bus?’

‘No, agent Bobbi Morse would be recommended to take command. God knows May would kill me if I recommended her and Bobbi’s a good agent, she'd fit right in.’ 

‘I like Bobbi... I think this is your choice Phil.’ You said honestly. ‘You know I would love to have you home all the time, but you need to make this choice on your own I'm afraid.’ 

Phil said nothing but you could tell he appreciated the effort if nothing else.

‘I've actually been thinking as well.’ You said. ‘I think I might start seeing Dr Wright again.’

‘Is everything alright?’ Phil suddenly sounded worried.

‘Everything's fine, I've just been having more nightmares than usual and I'm having trouble focussing at work right now.’ You hadn't admitted to Phil you'd been struggling as he had been away on missions and you didn't want him worrying over nothing.

‘Norway?’ he asked.

‘A little. It's just frustrating and I want to make sure I am just frustrated instead of something else.’

‘Okay, will you let me know if you need anything though?’

‘Of course.’

Phil kissed you again. ‘Come on, let's get some sleep before we pick up Luke in the morning.’ 

You felt Phil reach over to turn the lamp off and then settle back down next to you, he gave you one last kiss before you finally fell asleep in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not the song I imagine they'd listen to, I'll leave that up to your own imaginations, but the song that I listen to when thinking of this chapter is Can We Make It Work by The Mountains from the album The Mountains The Valleys The lakes. Enjoy!


	5. This Child, Your Child, The World's Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you guys are enjoying the story so far :)

You had started up your sessions with Dr Wright again and for the most part it was just nice to have someone listen. He gave you some sleeping pills to take on particularly stressful days, so that you could fall into a dreamless sleep and hopefully put a stop to the nightmares. You told him about Phil and his decision to be a handler specialising in team construction, you told Dr Wright that honestly, you were just glad he'd come home every night, Luke was starting to become a handful and you needed all the help you could get if you were going to try for department head with linguistics.

‘You've applied for the position?’ Dr Wright asked.

‘Not yet, I need to talk to Phil about it first.’ You said. ‘It's no good him coming back home for good, only for me to start working more and never getting to see Luke. I'll need to work something out.’

 

You took a detour after your session with Dr Wright and met Phil limping off the bus from his recent mission with Hawkeye and Romanov close behind.

‘What happened?’ You asked and helped Phil onto a gurney, he was bleeding from his thigh.

‘Bullet wound, nothing major.’ Phil panted. Both Parker and Simmons were there immediately to try and stop the bleeding in his thigh. ‘Talk later.’ He panted out. He was fine you knew it, but it didn't stop you being pissed at him for being so casual about bleeding out.

You headed back to your office to find that Luke was happily playing with Trip. Skye got up and had a look that said she wanted to talk.

‘You okay?’ She asked.

‘Yeah,’ you said, sorting through some files. ‘Phil got shot in the leg.’

‘Oh my god.’

‘He's fine. He's with Parker and Simmons.’ You shifted a box of completed files and put them with a stack of other boxes.

‘Fair enough. Anyway, I just wanted to know if our trip to Norway was any good, I know the Intel wasn't exactly top of the line and if you're going for that head position you'll want something more right?’ Skye leaned against the desk watching you.

‘It was fine Skye, I started translating the relics last week, its just proving a little difficult as the language is a branch of Norse I haven't really come across. I'm pretty much learning as I go. Nothing's certain at the moment.’ You sighed, you'd been trying for a week to translate the ancient relics without any luck.

‘Well, just let us know if you need anything else.’ Skye said giving you that trusting look she had. 

You both began catching up on old times and laughing about the past like it was another life. That was until Phil limped in with an annoyed look on his face. Skye left you to it and went back to keeping Luke and Trip occupied.

Phil bent down and gave Luke a kiss on his head and then limped over to where you were making notes on a white board. ‘Is that Norway?’ Phil asked and pointed to the coffee table that Luke was near.

‘Yeah, I was just giving Skye the updates on it.’ You said still making notes. Phil kissed your cheek as he reached you, he'd taken to doing that as he entered any room, kissing his son and then kissing you. You preferred it that way, as soon as Luke was old enough you wouldn't have to worry about him being helpless anymore and he should be able to take care of himself. ‘What's put that look on your face?’ You asked, looking up into his harsh blue eyes.

‘Nothing, just a complication with the operation, I might need to leave again.’ Phil said,you watched him looking at Luke fondly before he turned back to you. ‘What?’.

‘Nothing.’ You shook your head. Maybe now wasn't the best time to bring up your decision.

‘Doesn't look much like nothing.’ Phil put his hand gently on your shoulder. ‘Looks like you wanted to tell me something.’

‘Hey guys?’ You heard Skye call. You'd get to her in a minute.

‘I just…’ You started. ‘I want to apply for department head. I feel like I can do a lot of good with the other teams and they all come to me when they don't know what to do anyway. I'm just worried-‘

‘That you won't be with Luke?’ Phil said knowingly. ‘You want my advice?’ 

You nodded.

‘Guys.’

‘I think you should go for it.’ Phil stroked your shoulder and smiled down at you. ‘It's a big responsibility but I think you're more than capable of standing up to it. What I would say is finish Norway first, this is a big deal from what you told me and it's the first thingFury will ask about when you go to him. Embrace the challenge and do your best, it'll be appreciated, I promise.’ Phil smiled again and you kissed his cheek.

‘Thanks Phil.’

‘Guys!’ Skye yelled. You span around to Skye. ‘I thought you said you hadn't translated these yet?’ Skye pointed to the coffee table where your continuing struggle with the Norse language sat.

‘What are you talking about? I've done a little work, but nothing's concrete just yet.’ You said and went over to where Luke was reading word for word the remainder of the language you hadn't translated yet. He was speaking in perfect Norse and fear whipped your spine.

 

Your heart sank through the floor, your son who had barely learn to speak was talking in an ancient Norse language that had you stumped for nearly a week and no one knew what to do. You looked at Phil who was standing with his mouth slightly open, he looked at you and his face settled back into a frown. You both knew what this could have meant for the safety of your family and it was now your responsibility as parents, as a team to protect your son at all costs. 

Skye and Trip were still looking at you both, unsure of what to do.

‘Come on buddy.’ Phil said cheerfully as he picked up Luke and began limping out of the room trying to keep his son happy and entertained. You began collecting all the documents from the coffee table and putting them back into the folder to take home. 

‘What's going on?’ Skye asked, slightly panicked.

‘Phil's taking him to Simmons.’ You said, throwing the folder into your bag. 

Skye and Trip couldn't think of anything to say. You gave them a nod and followed Phil towards the medical facility. 

Luke was still laughing as Phil put him down onto a bed next to Simmons. He continued to play with him while you spoke with her.

‘Is there something wrong?’ She asked.

‘We’re not sure, he started reading ancient Norse before I'd even translated them. Something's wrong.’ You said, starting to panic slightly, how was it possible? You were used to unusual things happening but this wasn't something you'd ever expected and certainly not to your own son.

‘Okay, let's get some tests done.’ Simmons momentarily was just as panicked as you before giving your arm a squeeze in comfort. 

You and Phil helped Simmons get a small blood sample against a struggling Luke, who was not fond of needles in the slightest. Phil pulled him onto his lap and held him close so he could sleep. You and Phil exchanged looks of worry neither of you were quiet sure of what to do, you knew it'd be a few days until the tests were completed and you had any answers. 

Phil thought for a moment and then gave you a look. ‘Has this happened before?’ He asked curiously.

You were about to snap at him when a memory came flooding back. A particularly stressful morning when you and Luke were at home and Phil was out of the country on a mission. Luke had been running a riot and you could barely keep up, he came up to the coffee table where you were doing work and started sounding out the foreign words to you. You had praised him for being so advanced for a one year old, being able to read was incredible. It now dawned on you that he probably wasn't reading your writing, instead he might have been reading the original text. You recited the story to Phil who you could tell was about to break down.

‘I'm sorry Phil.’ You said quietly as Luke drifted off to sleep finally.

Phil stayed silent for a while. Did he blame you for this? You just stayed silent for a few minutes longer until Phil finally broke the thick layer of tension.

‘He's very advanced for his age, wouldn't you say?’ He asked. You nodded as you watched Phil wandering through his more and more terrifying thoughts. ‘Maybe too advanced.’

‘What does that mean?’ You asked, suddenly wanting to take Luke into your arms.

‘Maybe nothing. Let's wait for Simmons to get back to us with what she finds.’ Phil finally looked at you and you could see the remnants of something dark dissipating behind his eyes. He took your hand and stroked your knuckles gently.


	6. Gone In Sixty Seconds

You were woken by the sound of shouting outside the small hospital room that Luke was being kept in. You opened your heavy, stinging eyes as fast as you could out of practice and you could just about make out the silhouette of Fury, Steve and another man you recognised from CCTV footage. Thor. 

Phil had woken up in the chair next to you with a slightly worried look on his face, he immediately got up and rushed out of the room to deal with his old friends. You watched as Luke continued sleeping peacefully. The shouting continued and Phil's voice was now added to the mix. You couldn't make out any of the words, it all just sounded like white noise beyond the walls, so you just remained watching your beautiful boy sleep.

You heard a loud thud from outside the door, Phil's silhouette was bent over and you could see Steve trying to comfort him while Fury and Thor stayed silent. You quickly turned back to see Luke was still asleep and wandered out to see the four men all with strange expressions on their faces, like they had just received devastating news. Phil’s hand was being tended to by Simmons and you could see a small dent in the wall where he had driven his fist as hard as he could. Fury gave you a sympathetic look and Steve couldn’t have looked more pained if he tried.

‘I'm afraid we found out what's wrong with your son.’ Fury sighed.

‘There's nothing wrong with him. He's my son.' You said immediately, it was an immediate reaction to anyone saying anything against your family. Fury closed his eyes and nodded.

‘I assume you know who this is.’ He gestured to Thor who looked extraordinarily tired. ‘Well we've called him here so that maybe he can give us some assistance with Luke.’

‘What kind of assistance?’ You could feel your eyes starting to swell. 

‘With your permission, I plan to take your son to Asgard-‘ Thor started.

‘No.’ You said simply.

‘You don't seem to understand what we’re saying.’ Fury was getting agitated, but you couldn't care less. No one was taking your son away from you.

‘Because you're not saying anything! You're not telling me a damn thing about our son!’ You yelled.

‘Sweetheart,’ Phil said quietly. ‘I'm sorry, he's not my son.’ Phil was crying and all you wanted to do was hold him and make the tears go away.

‘I… What does that mean? Of course he is.’ 

‘He's not… He's Loki’s.’ Phil sobbed. 

 

You couldn't quite comprehend what had just been said, everyone was waiting for your reaction, but you didn't know how to react. It all made a lot of sense while still being completely impossible.

‘I'm afraid this is all my fault.’ Thor's booming voice reached your ears. ‘Loki has always been good at tricks but this is much beyond anything I thought he was capable of. He is more than capable of reaching out to people through their dreams, which would explain your nightmares leading up to the birth, but my fear is that it goes back further than the birth itself.’

‘After Simmons ran the tests and found Asgardian DNA in his system we went back to the day Agent Coulson died.’ Fury continued. ‘We saw Loki do something strange to you that we missed the last time, but it did look like that was the reason you came back to us.’

‘We aren't sure exactly what it was,’ Simmons cut in. ‘But on further inspection it does seem that Coulson has some Asgardian DNA in his system that has integrated itself with his own DNA. It probably explains why you heal quicker than most and don't look any different than you did before you died. But as far as I can tell Luke is still your son, you both have the same DNA.’ Simmons meant well, but you knew Phil was beyond comfort now.

This was a lot to take in and it seemed that your reaction was the one that counted. You looked into the room and saw Luke still sleeping peacefully the way a one year old should be sleeping. You thought about everything that had happened up to this point, the mistakes made, choices you had, you never had to say yes to this life but you did anyway because something told you it was right for you. Something told you Phil was right for you. There was no way that you'd put in all this time, this effort for someone like Loki to take it away from you. 

You turned back to see everyone still watching and waiting for you to say something.

‘Okay, so what do we do now?’ You said taking a deep breath. Phil just started laughing to everyone's surprise. You couldn't help it, when you realised why he was laughing it became hilarious and soon you couldn't resist either. It was just like the beginning again, the first real nightmare you ever had and you had driven your own fist into your bedroom wall. You said the same thing and you battled through everything that came after harder than you'd ever fought in your life. Eventually you both stopped and turned your attention to the room of confused faces.

‘You two have lost it.’ Steve shook his head and gave a sympathetic smile. 

‘If you're quite done,’ Fury started to say before his attention was taken away, his eye widened at an alarming rate and soon Thor was roaring at the top of his lungs, he raced into the room where Luke was and you caught the glimpse of the monster himself lying in the bed holding Luke before disappearing into smoke. Thor tried to grab him before he vanished but he wasn't quite quick enough. Loki was gone and so was Luke.


	7. Save Me Phil Coulson

You'd done your screaming, you'd done your crying and you'd even done your depression. There was nothing left to do. Six months on from that Asgardian bastard stealing your only reason for existing any more and madness had begun to set in. Thor had made brief visits to update you any time he thought he had something, but truth be told, the universe was a big place and Loki could literally be on the other side of it.

Phil had changed, he wasn't the same man you fell in love with. He was aggressive, quick to anger and in so much constant pain. He was no longer the kind, loving, sensitive man you had agreed to marry, you were scared when he laid down next to you to sleep, you were scared he would have a nightmare and you wouldn't be able defend yourself, or worse, you couldn't find the will. You were scared to talk to him anymore in case you said the wrong thing and he had one of his aggressive turns, Dr Wright had prescribed something to help him sleep through it, but it just made things that much more frightening for you.

Not for the first time in your life, you felt useless, helpless and completely alone. You had woken up one morning in particular with a pain radiating from your cheek out towards the rest of your face, Phil was having a vivid nightmare and he had caught you with his flaying arms. You knew it was an accident, but it didn't make you hurt any less. Before you knew which nightmare, you got up and threw on your mothers old hoodie. The apartment was still cold, and the wooden floor hurt your feet to stand on it. You turned the heating on low and sat against the wall listening to the apartment come to life and Phil's moaning in the next room. You knew you were a coward, you knew full well that you were the only one that could save Phil, but for some reason you couldn't find it in yourself to comfort the man that responsible for everything you felt. 

For a long time, it was comforting and delightfully suffocating to give Phil that kind of control over your emotions, but now it was just claustrophobic and like a weight was squeezing down on your chest. You cried silently and waited for the moans to stop, you were holding your exhausted head in your hands, trying to stay warm in your shorts and hoodie and hoping that Phil would come back to you. You were at breaking point and you couldn't take the pain any longer.

You felt two shaking hands grab your shoulders and fear consumed you for a moment as you began to fight against them. You looked up for just a second and saw Phil in just his jeans, loosely done up, sliding away with a horrified look on his face. He knew what had done and unfortunately for you it wasn't the first time he had accidentally hit you during his sleep, but it was the first time he'd noticed. 

‘Phil.’ You croaked, your voice was scratchy and you could almost taste the blood in your throat. Phil just continued to stare at you, you could see the small amount of anger beginning to build inside him and you couldn't watch it. You sobbed into your arms uncontrollably and waited for something to happen. 

You listened to Phil sitting down beside you, he had something in his hands that he was playing with. You lifted your head just enough to see he was adjusting an ice pack wrapped in a cloth, he was unsure of whether he had your permission to touch you and you could tell from his expression that he didn't fully trust himself to do it. You wanted to snuggle into his chest and pretend like you weren't hurting and like everything was okay again, but you were hurting and nothing was okay. 

Phil had that pained expression and simply handed you the ice pack, you took it tentatively and pressed it harshly to your cheek, you winced at the increase in pain. You could tell Phil felt for you when he carefully took the ice from you and with much gentler hands tended to your bruising cheek. You'd had much more severe injuries, but this was a wound that would take two to heal. 

‘This happened before.’ Phil whispered. You nodded slightly and heard Phil’s breath hitch painfully. ‘When?’

‘Phil-‘

‘Tell me.’ He said firmly. You felt that fear whip at your spine, scared of what would happen if you didn't tell him.

‘First time, was six months ago, day after…’ You still couldn't quite say what had happened out loud. ‘I couldn't sleep and you were exhausted. You started sleep walking… It doesn't happen often, maybe every couple of weeks it gets bad.’

‘Once is too many.’ He said, you could hear the lump in his throat. ‘I'll go and see Dr Wright today, get it sorted.’ And there it was, the anger you feared so much, the anger that made you sit very still and stay very silent so as not to upset Phil. What was worse was that Phil noticed. ‘Sweetheart,’ he said moving around to look at you. ‘What's wrong?... Are you… Are you scared of me?’ The weight of the question was too much, your chest felt like it had just exploded inside of you and all you could do was cry into your arms in front of Phil. You don't know how long you sat there for, just crying and feeling more pain than you could handle. Mentally you begged for Phil to save you once again, before reminding yourself that you didn't deserve to be saved, if you refused to save him when he had nightmares, he had every right to refuse you when you cried.

You finally stopped crying enough to look up, Phil was still sitting on his knees staring at you, unsure what he was supposed to do.

‘We’re supposed to be married by now.’ He said, more to himself than to you. ‘You said, New York in winter because it reminded you of the first time we met.’ A minuscule smile as he remembered that night fondly. ‘I was fascinated by you, your resilience, your quiet strength, your will to be the person you wanted to be. You gave that person to me that night, you let me be something important in your life. For a long time I felt like my dream was going to end, but even after Hawaii, after Rome and after Russia when everything looked like it was about to fall apart, I still had a small belief that we would be okay, that we would keep moving forwards, together… But now, for the first time, I don't have that belief. And I don't know what to do, I've broken every promise I made you and I don't know what to do. I promised I wouldn't leave you and I did, I promised I would never hurt you and I did, I promised to raise a beautiful child with you and I lost him, I promised I would marry you on the coldest night in New York and I didn't. I can't give you anything anymore, I can't give myself to you and watch you suffer like this, I just can't be the person you want to love anymore, you don't deserve me and I certainly don't deserve you. I'm so sorry.’

Phil cried. He cried like you had never seen him cry before, he was broken into a million pieces. He was trying so hard to reach an unknown goal, when all you wanted was for him to be happy and healthy, the way it should be.

‘Phil,’ you croaked. He took a few deep breaths as you sat up on your knees with him, but he still couldn't quiet look at you. ‘Please save me.’

As if that was the thing he needed, Phil looked up at you and stared into your eyes for just a second before slipping his hands around your hips and kissing you with everything he could muster. It was the easiest thing you had done in a long time and it felt good. But something made him stop.

‘I can't.’ Phil whispered on your lips. He got up and walked back into the bedroom, you stayed sitting on the floor, unable to move just yet. You listened to the sounds of Phil moving around an unusual amount and you dreaded what he was doing.

He eventually came back dressed in his jeans, white t shirt and leather jacket, he put his duffel bag down next to you both. ‘Maybe-‘

‘Don't.’ You said interrupting him and knowing exactly what he was about to do. 

‘I still love you, but I can't keep hurting you.’ He whispered and kissed your cheek before getting up and leaving you alone in your empty apartment. He was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How am I doing guys?!


	8. Back To Normal?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys! Been trying to get some of this done, but life has been getting in the way. Let me know what you all think!

You could feel the ache setting in your knees, the still cold floorboards relentless on your legs. You weren't sure what to do first, what did people do in these situations? It was like your heart was shattered inside your chest and the shards were piercing through your insides, inflicting as much pain as they could before bursting through your skin. 

You finally stood up and for a few minutes you just stood trying to find the will to do something that wasn't just standing around wishing you could turn back time. You soon wandered into the bathroom and twisted the shower nozzle, listening to the hot water fall against the shower floor. You slowly undressed and stood underneath the water, your body ached and for a while you were very aware of all your bruises you had collected over the last couple of weeks. Most of them from everyday occurrences but the ones that hurt the most were the ones Phil had given you, not because the anger behind them was aimed at you, but because you understood that anger and knowing Phil felt like that hurt you more than physical torture could.

You cleaned up and got dressed for the day ahead, Thor was due for a visit and you were supposed to get a ride from Phil into work but it looked like you were walking in that day. You made your way through the crisp breeze of spring approaching, it was a beautiful day and you wished you could appreciate it properly.

 

You waited with Skye and Trip in Fury’s office, he was talking in hushed tones to Maria and Phil who was still in his jeans and leather jacket. You hadn't told Skye that Phil had left you alone that morning, but she wasn't stupid, she knew you and guessed what had happened from the way you spoke and the way you were. You were hurting in the ways she had seen before.

‘Fury.’ Thor's booming voice came from the door. He entered with four other Asgardian people close behind him. ‘These are my friends, Lady Sif and the Warriors three, they have been searching Loki’s old hide outs to no avail. But we have come across something of interest.’

‘What is it?’ Fury’s full attention was on Thor and his friends. Yours was on Phil, he was pretending like nothing had happened that morning.

‘Heimmdal can see Loki’s footprints as he jumps from one planet to the other. Except, these footprints are more like ripples.’ Thor tried to explain.

‘I don't understand.’ Phil said, his brow furrowing slightly.

‘Like ripples in time.’ Thor said gravely. ‘I'm sorry lady Coulson.’ Thor said directly to you. ‘We believe that your son is not only being taken across the universe but through time as well. There is a very real possibility that once we recover him, Luke will be much older than you remember him.’

Again everyone looked to for your reaction and your response was the same as it always was. ‘So what do we do now?’ You watched the slight flicker of agony on Phil's face, he knew that it no longer meant anything when you said those words. 

‘It will be much easier now that we know Loki is jumping through time to catch up to him. It will take a little while longer, but I promise Lady Coulson we will bring your son home and Loki will be brought to justice. You have my word.’ Thor promised. You secretly hated that he called you ‘Lady Coulson’ but you weren't going to correct him and give him the explanation.

‘Thank you.’ You gave a tight lipped smile that felt more like a twitch. 

The meeting was over and Thor was gone; half of you was so happy that you were closer to finding Luke and bringing him home, but the other half was dreading the state of the people he would come home to. 

Fury wasn't quite done with you all just yet though. ‘I know you hurt, I know this is a tough time and I know it's a big ask, but I need your team back on the bus. The tasks we have are piling up and you're the best damn team I ever had out there.’ Everyone knew he wasn't exactly asking, he was more telling you all that you were going back to the bus as the mobile team you used to be.

The only consolation you had was that you'd be back doing what you felt comfortable with and what you had been bred for. Field work. Phil was strictly a handler and May was the pilot only, it really only left you, Skye and Trip as the active field agents and that was fine. You and Skye had a good partnership and Trip was the best extraction team you'd ever come across all on his own.

You all left Fury’s office and went down for you mandatory training session, you had two weeks to prepare and the head start would be appreciated in the long run. Phil had come down to the training hall later on that morning after he had finished being briefed by Hill on your new tasks. You and Skye had been sparring against the newer agents and surprisingly you found it a slight struggle. You had a lot of work to do before you were ready and you all knew it.

You were the last to take a shower and shake off the attention from the baby agents, it seemed that you were all now just as renowned and well known as Phil and your parents were back in the day. You could hear May and Phil talking outside the changing rooms while you were getting dressed.

‘You're making a huge mistake.’ May tried to reason with Phil. ‘Phil, she's given you more than anyone ever can give and you're throwing it away.’

‘You didn't see her face this morning.’ Phil argued back. ‘She was terrified that I was going to hurt her… I didn't mean it, I didn't know what I was doing.’ Phil sounded like he was choking back tears.

‘And she knows that. She knows you were having a nightmare and that you're angry right now. You have every right to be, no one blames you for that, least of all her.’

‘I can't. I can't hurt her again. It's killing me. I feel helpless… She used to look at me like I was someone who protect her against anything and now-‘

‘And now you're the one that needs saving.’ May finished his sentence.

‘How do I tell her that?’ Phil asked.

May paused and you dreaded what she was about to say.

‘Trust me, she knows. She just doesn't know how to help you, you need to tell her.’ You felt your heart drop through to the floor. Even if you knew how, you knew you didn't have the strength to save Phil, just like he didn't have the strength to save you.

You couldn't listen to anymore, so you got dressed and headed up to your office to prepare for your return to the bus.


	9. Let's Not Be These People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I lost my internet connection for a while and couldn't upload this chapter, but all is fixed and here is the next installment for you guys. let me know what you think of it all and I'm hoping the next chapter will be up soon.

The two weeks were over quicker than you expected them to be and you were already sore from the training sessions as well as mentally exhausted from all the briefings. Phil had barely spoken to you, but it was clear that he was still angry and he was still having nightmares. You felt sorry for him more than anything, but if he didn't tell you what to do, how could you be expected to help him?

‘You're supposed to try.’ Skye said as she stared down her scope at you from a building just off a pier in the middle of Venice. It was your first mission off the bus and you were scheduled to meet with a contact within the next half hour or so. Phil and May were on the bus in a meeting with Fury, it was just you, Skye and Trip on this one. Phil had been avoiding you a lot and déjà vu was setting in. ‘Even if you fail the first dozen times, you're supposed to try. He's supposed to see you trying to help him.’

‘Yeah, except I don't know where to start.’ You said walking up the waters edge. The contact should've been there by now. ‘What does he need me to do?’

‘Anything! Anything is better than nothing. Just do-‘ Skye stopped talking. ‘The contact is walking up behind you now, he looks alone, I'll do a quick search anyway.’

You turned to see a youngish looking Italian man in a white linen shirt and beige shorts coming up to you with a smile on his face.

‘Carlo.’ You said greeting him in Italian with a kiss on each cheek.

‘It's been too long. How are you?’ He said cheerfully. ‘How is your man friend? Agent Coulson? I hear you've been out of the field a while?’

‘Yes, we’re fine. He's good, just stressed. You know how it is.’

‘I do indeed.’ Carlo smiled again, before embracing you again. You felt him slip something into your pocket before looking at his watch. ‘Well I'm afraid I have to cut our little meeting short, I have other matters to attend to just now. I apologise that I couldn't get the information you required, but I appreciate the visit anyway. It was good to see you and maybe next time it won't be as long before you come back to Italy.’

‘I hope not Carlo, it was good to see you.’ You said kindly returning his smile with your own. Carlo backed up before giving a grim look towards the building behind him and walking away. ‘Skye, what's on the building behind me?’ You had gone back to English.

‘Looks like a couple of goons, nothing major.’ She spoke up.

‘Its major enough that Carlo chose to warn me about them.’ You retorted walking back down the water front. ‘Trip, where are you?’

‘Parked. Red car to your left.’ You turned left down the street and hopped into the dusty red car, Trip had already started up the engine and you were off to pick up Skye. You noticed a few suspicious figures as you went further into the heart of Venice.

‘We need to leave.’ You said, feeling the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Something felt off and you weren't sticking around to find out what it was. ‘Skye call it in. We’re going back to the bus.’ 

‘I'm just getting to the bottom of the stairs now, I'll see you in five.’ Skye said as you heard her make the call to Phil. Trip was starting to notice the suspicious people as well. There were more of them in the centre than you felt comfortable with. ‘He was pissed but he’ll be on comms soon.’ Skye said, you could see her just up the street and swung around to pick her up, Trip barely stopped the car.

‘What's going on?’ Phil said over the comms. You heard Skye about to talk before you decided it wasn't going to be like last time where you were too childish to talk to him. 

‘Possible hostiles spread pretty thick around town. Carlo says he couldn't get the info, but he put a drive in my pocket anyway. He might've been followed.’ You gave the run down.

There was a small pause, like he wasn't expecting you to speak, before Phil responded. ‘Okay, load your weapons, safety off, but do not engage unless they engage you first. Is that understood?'

‘Yes sir.’ You said loading Trip’s side arm and subtly placing it in his lap before loading your own.

‘Trip, get everyone back without attracting too much attention. May’s getting the bus ready to go, we’re not sticking around. The information is too important to lose in a gun fight.’ Phil rounded off and continued talking about upcoming tasks as Trip drove you through a very hostile part of town. 

You made it back to the bus in one piece and handed the drive to Fitz who began talking with Skye about the possible locks that had been put on it to protect the information and the possible things they would try to get it open. You were tired, the kind of tired that meant you wanted to do nothing except take a nap in your bunk for the rest of your life.

You were a good agent, perfectly capable of Intel gathering and simple pick ups, but there was something exhausting about the simple things, something far more boring and ordinary than you were ready for. 

You tried to sleep for a while, but your thoughts would always turn to Phil and Luke playing together and being a happy family. The way it should have been. Your dreams were relentless, Luke was the only thing you could think of. He appeared as a sixteen year old boy, the way Thor had told you he might be when you next saw him. You sat on the same beach in Hawaii that you and Phil made amends and talked. Just talked, about nothing and everything. His sharp green eyes never left you, he watched you and smiled at you the way you remembered him smiling when Phil would come home from a long day.

A soft knocking on your door woke you from your dream. It was Skye.

‘Hey.’ She said quietly opening the door. ‘We didn't want to wake you, Trip made food, you hungry?’ You were starving.

‘Yeah, I'll be there in a minute.’ You said trying to wake up. You were lying in your back staring at the ceiling, suddenly missing Luke more than you could bear. You jumped up before you started crying and went to the living area to the smell of curry waiting for you. 

Phil and May were sitting together and giving each other silent looks, you didn't care much, you just wanted some food. Skye and Trip made sure that everyone was thoroughly entertained throughout the evening and eventually people began making their way to the ramp.

You had landed at a secure SHIELD base in Reykjavik where the base itself was full with other agents stopping over, but you were all happy enough to sleep in the bus while you were there. You had all retreated to the back of the bus in order to watch the northern lights with a vodka each and celebration of the team back together, though you found it hard to celebrate while watching the lights stream across the black sky, knowing your son was out there, possibly suffering in some way and you were sitting comfortably with your family. Phil was apparently feeling the same as his vodka also remained untouched.

Everyone except you and Phil had gone to bed, but you both sat watching the lights thinking the same thing without ever saying them aloud. The silence was thick with old memories and undeniable tension that had been building for six months.

‘The mission was a success today.’ Phil suddenly said, you looked at him briefly and wished there wasn't the distance between you, you had intentionally sat a few metres apart, it was out of a new found habit, though you knew full well you both couldn't stand it. ‘The drive had everything we needed on it.’ He finished saying.

‘Good.’ You weren't exactly sure of what to say next. It was awkward and felt like the first night you'd met where you weren't sure how to read him or what was okay. ‘Anything good coming up?’ You asked. Maybe if you kept talking about work you'd slip back into your old selves soon enough.

‘Just more Intel I'm afraid.’ He replied. ‘Making a stop in Munich and Sydney in the next week… It's about as interesting as it gets.’

You had a brief moment where you had both caught each other's eye and smiled at the same time and for a fraction of a second everything felt fine, but reality snapped you both back and you turned your gaze back to the sky.

Phil stood up and just as you thought he was about to wander back to his bunk, he sat next to you and wrapped a blanket around your shoulders. You immediately felt warmer. ‘Let's not do this.’ You said. ‘Let's not be these people anymore, these people that constantly break up and make up. Those people are sad and lonely for a reason. Let's not be these people anymore.’ 

He looked at you with almost a blank expression, before looking up again and thinking hard about what you had just said. It was a little too long before Phil spoke. ‘Okay.’ Was all he came back with. You searched his face for some kind of extra response, to which none was remotely visible.

‘Okay?’ You questioned.

‘Okay.’ He confirmed. 

‘Okay.’ You pulled the blanket tighter around you.

‘I want to make you happy.’ Phil said. ‘I want to be a good father and a good husband, I'm neither of those things right now. So let's not be these people, let's be different people. Who do you want to be?’

You watched Phil as he tried for simplicity for a change. ‘I want to be that girl in the bar you met once. She was simple, she didn't have a plan, but she had potential. I want to be her… Who do you want to be?’ You asked, going along with this game, hoping it was somewhere good.

‘I want to be her husband.’ He looked you straight in the eyes and for the first time you saw Phil, the man, the human you fell for. ‘I want to wake up and make her coffee in the morning and take her on dates where she makes wishes in fountains, I want to kiss her until she falls asleep and then I want to hold her while she dreams, I want to be the one constant in her life, because I can't stop being in love with you. It's not possible… So let's be those people for a while and see where that takes us.’ 

You couldn't help it, you snuggled into Phil and breathed him in, this wonderful human who gives you more than he has and still wants to give you more, this man who saved you from a life you didn't want to live, this man who gave you his heart in a million pieces and asked you to put it back together for him.

‘Okay.’ You whispered against Phil's chest. You felt him smile into your hair and kiss your head. You looked up at him and kissed him, showing him just how much you missed him. ‘Don't ever leave me again.’ You said. ‘Or I'll kick your arse.’ You both laughed and stared up at the sky.

‘Sweetheart.’ Phil said looking down at you. ‘The truth is I can't save you right now. I don't know how to save myself, but I'm going to try and find a way. We’re going to get our son back, I'm going to marry you in New York and we’ll finally be a family and then maybe we can be fixed.’

You sat holding Phil for a while longer thinking about what a family would be like, you hoped it would be the answer, but you were still a long way from that just yet.

‘Phil, take me to bed.’ You said feeling yourself grow more and more tired.

‘Sweetheart, I don't think that's a good idea just now.’ Phil sat up right and held your hand as he spoke to you. ‘I'm still having these nightmares, I told you I can't hurt you.’

‘Then let's get a sedative.’ You reasoned. ‘Please Phil, I can't sleep properly when you're not there and maybe a sedative will be heavy enough to knock you out. Let's at least try, let's be those people who try.’ You begged Phil to try with you, it was the only way forward you could see just now and you knew it was worth it.

You watched Phil fight an internal battle. ‘Okay, let's try.’ You knew it took a lot for Phil to say it, but you also knew that this could be the answer and if it wasn't then you'd keep searching for one. You got up and helped Phil to his feet before leading the way to the lab. Phil closed the ramp and locked the bus up for the night.

It took you a while but you finally found a sedative you could use to put Phil out for the night, you watched the reluctance on his face as he sat on the edge of the bed while you injected it into his forearm. You tidied away the equipment and quickly got changed, when you turned around you saw that Phil was just watching you. ‘What?’ You suddenly felt self conscious. 

‘I don't know why I always forget how beautiful you are.’ He said sleepily. Phil was already in just his briefs, lying back on the bed waiting for you to join him.

Phil's quarters were slightly bigger than your bunk, not by much, but there was enough room for you both to sleep in the same bed. You put your tank top on and climbed in next to Phil, he pulled the covers up and kissed along your shoulder and neck. 

‘I think that sedative is working.’ You chuckled. You felt him adjust slightly so that his arms were wrapped around you and you fit nicely against his body, soon you were back dreaming of Luke on that beach and missing him more than anything.


	10. Stella!

‘Are the stars bright?’ Luke asked as you walked along the shoreline, sand filling the spaces between your toes and the smell of saltwater invading your nostrils.

‘Hmm?’ You stared off into the distant horizon, your arm still wrapped around his. Luke was taller than you, not by a large amount but enough that he was your strong boy that you could parade in front of everyone.

‘I've never seen stars from a planets surface, are they bright on earth?’ He asked again.

‘Yes Luke, they're bright. They're so bright.’ You kept your eye on the horizon, watching and waiting for something to happen. ‘And the northern lights are staggeringly beautiful, I watched them stream through the sky tonight with your father… It's the happiest we've been in a long time. Like the times you were a handful-‘

‘And dad would come home after a long day and even though he was tired, he'd play with me so you could get some work done. You've told me before.’ Luke smiled at you and for a moment you stared into his sharp green eyes and adjusted his thick brown hair.

‘Luke, I'm scared.’ You felt tears begin to fall down your face.

‘Why?!’

‘I'm scared at the state of our family. I'm scared you'll come home to broken people.’ The sky began turning an ugly blackened colour and you knew that it was time to go, something was happening, something you couldn't place. ‘Listen to me Luke, no matter what happens, your father loves you, he loves us both, he just needs a little help right now. I love you so much and soon I'll be able to tell you that in person.’ The sky was now entirely black and reality was pulling you back towards something bright.

 

‘Luke! Luke where are you?!’ Someone was yelling loudly next to you and banging on the bedside table. ‘Luke! I'm coming for you!’ Phil.

You turned over to see Phil on his knees sweating heavily, his fist bloodied and bruised from where he had been punching the table in his sleep state. You listened to him whimper for a moment before finding the courage to lean over and reach out to touch him gently.

‘Phil.’ You whispered, feeling your own voice fail you. ‘Phil, I'm here. It's me, I'm here with you.’ You felt his skin slick with sweat, his muscles rigid beneath the surface and cold to touch. ‘Phil, please, focus on me, please.’ You begged. You suddenly felt those muscles relax and the tension disappear. Phil's breathing was heavy now. You heard the alarm go off abruptly, Phil's hand moved quickly to silence it. He lifted his head very slightly and you could see his eyes bloodshot and reddened around the lids. ‘Phil?’ You whispered again.

Phil slumped against the bed and sighed with pain dripping over his breath. As if you had relinquished all control, you wrapped your arms around him, feeling the sweat dry on his skin and listening to him cry again. ‘I'm sorry.’ He said. ‘I'm sorry sweetheart.’

‘Don't be.’ You kissed his temple. ‘I didn't get hurt. You didn't hurt me. This is better, not perfect, but better.’ You kept kissing Phil and whispering how much you loved him until he stopped weeping and you simply sat with each other. Phil was still breathing heavy, but he was much calmer than before. ‘I've been having dreams too.’ You whispered against his cheek. ‘About Luke.’ Phil’s interest peaked slightly. ‘We walk along the beach in Hawaii and talk about things.’

‘What kind of things?’ He asked.

‘I never remember, it's just talking, sometimes it's swimming in the water and sometimes there's nothing. Just us sitting.’ You tried hard to picture his face clearly, but it was difficult now you were awake.

‘That sounds nice.’ He said turning to kiss your forehead.

You couldn't help it, suddenly a wave of emotion crashed down on top of you and it was your turn to cry. Phil didn't needed to ask what was going through your head, he knew and just put his arm around you keeping you close. You missed Luke, you missed those days that he was too much to handle, you missed Phil coming home in a bad mood and his son cheering him up and you missed that feeling of pure bliss. The simple fact you were a family and together.

 

Finally you both found the energy to get up and get ready to leave for Munich. It was going to be a maximum of three days in the German city and you were to be the centre of the operation. Much to Phil's disapproval, you were about to spend the next couple of days seducing a very important scientist and get your hands on some of the research he was doing for hydra. A simple in and out operation. A cake walk.

You were posing as a bar tender at the conference weekend and took the time to freshened up on your German. The conference itself was something to do with innovative technology of some kind, you didn't pay much attention to it as you knew if you did your job well the scientist Dr Müller would tell you everything you needed to know anyway. 

You arrived early and went through the routine of getting ready to set up the bar and scan the room, cameras covered just about every angle of the room and security detail on just about every door. It wouldn't exactly be the easy mission you hoped for but it was workable.

‘You just need to get him back to his lab we’ll do the rest of the work.’ Skye said over the comms. She was referring to the contact lenese you had on that were being used to record everything you were seeing and mapping out then entire building. You had managed to make your way through the floor the conference was being held on and get a more detailed map that you could bring up when you needed to.

The first day was easy enough, you had established contact and gotten Müller interested enough to keep coming back to the bar to get a drink from you.

‘You're not German are you?’ He asked while you mixed his drink. You expected this question and barely flinched when he finally asked it.

‘No, I'm from Calais in France. Beautiful place, but the people are not so friendly.’ You said casually remembering your back story. ‘What about you? Where are you from?’

‘I'm from here, Munich, big Bayern fan.’ He smiled. The man was actually kind of sweet and a part of you was wary of this and part of you was endeared by it. ‘So you came from France to work on a bar in Munich?’ 

‘Wasn't exactly the plan. I studied medicine here but never got around to applying for any positions.’ You gave him his drink. ‘Science seems to have a big place here and I wanted to be absorbed into it… I shouldn't be boring you with this-‘

‘No, no, please. I'm always fascinated by others who share a love for science. My lab itself is like a magnet for scientists of all kinds.’ There was a small twinkle in his eye and you hoped it was because you were doing a good job. You began your familiar routine of cleaning down the bar. ‘We have excellent medical programs, I'd be happy to take you there and show you a thing or two.’ This was your chance, you smiled and thought about the times Phil had flirted so blatantly with you. ‘When do you finish?’

With a quick check of your watch you said ‘About an hour. Think you can wait that long?’ you gave him a small wink and a smile, he was hooked. He gave a sharp intake of breath, subtle enough that only you noticed and nodded thanking you for the drink before disappearing off into the crowds. 

‘What’s he saying?’ Phil said in your ear. You bent down to clean up a spillage below the counter and waited until everyone had gone and you were left alone for a few minutes.

‘He’s taking me to his lab, he’s going to show me around a little.’ You said as quietly as you could. You quickly looked at yourself in the reflection of a metallic ice bucket, you had a black bobbed wig on and your eyes were blue as can be from the lenses you were wearing. You adjusted your hair and tidied yourself up a bit.

‘Okay, Trip is just outside, he’ll be close if you need anything. Stay safe.’ The last words hit you slightly, you were about to go to a secure lab with a guy you knew to be dangerous with no actual confirmation that he was buying into your little charade. You just hoped that you were doing enough to keep him interested in you.

The hour was up and the bar was cleaned down nicely, you grabbed your bag and got ready for the next step. You found the spare USB you had brought with you and taped it to your ankle. You changed your top and wore something slightly more low cut. You looked at yourself in the mirror and made sure you looked the part.

‘You look good, just his type.’ Skye encouraged you, you forgot that she could see everything you could see through your lenses.

‘Thanks, I think.’ You said with a laugh. You took one last look and decided that this was it, no more getting ready, time to do the thing you were there to do.

Müller was waiting outside for you with a shiny black town car behind him. ‘Stella!’ He called waving you over, you momentarily forgot that was your cover name. You made your way over to him and smiled as he took your hand and kissed it gently. ‘You look good.’ He said, that was the moment you knew your ploy was working, he gave you a shy sort of look that you had seen on Phil a thousand times, a look of affection so great that it could not be faked so easily as a flirty smile, a look that said this could be something special. You felt guilt sit in your stomach, it was ridiculous, this guy was an awful human being and you felt sorry for him. Maybe this was the softer side that everyone said you would have once you had a child, the harder more protective side had shown its colours and now it was the softer side’s turn.

‘Thank you Dr Müller.’ You said feeling him pull you a little closer.

‘Please, call me Tristan.’ He opened the door for you and you made sure to give him a lengthly smile before you sat down and waited for him to get in next to you.

‘You’re doing a good job and I don’t like it.’ Phil said in your ear, you appreciated his concern, but you had a job to do and he was distracting you.

Tristan started the car and you were off. ‘So, how far is your lab?’ You asked, remembering how you would used to watch Phil drive and decided that that was what you should be doing. You watched him and listened to him talking.

‘It’s just around the corner here, it’s the building at the end of the road.’ He pointed out a large towered building that you recognised as the lab. You faked wonder and made sure you got all the info for Skye to assess from the outside. You glanced a look in the mirror and saw a dark car following you, Trip.

‘It’s a very beautiful building.’ You complimented him, still looking at the tower in front of you.

‘Thank you, there are many more beautiful labs inside. I hope you will like them.’ He said, pulling up outside the tower and hopping out.

‘Here we go.’ You whispered.

‘Keep doing what you’re doing, it’s working.’ Phil said in your ear.

‘How can you tell?’ You hopped out of the car and took Tristan’s arm.

‘Trust me.’ Was all he said.

The inside of the tower was empty, Tristan swiped his card through a few doors and held your hand all the way towards one of the medical labs, you hoped it was the one you were looking for and that it had the information you needed inside. It was a biology lab with computers, laptops and other equipment running simultaneously. Your eyes scanned the entire lab a few times hoping you were getting all the info needed for Skye. Tristan was explaining what each of the pieces of equipment did and how they were using it to revolutionise the medical industry, how they were working on a way to regrow organic limbs that were stronger and more durable than our own fleshy ones. You listened and asked the appropriate questions, a little prep from Simmons seemed to go a long way.

‘So, you’re trying to fixed wounded soldiers?’ You asked after a long explanation.

‘That’s just one possibility yes.’ He had taken his jacket off and rolled his sleeves up the way Phil would do. He spoke with all the passion in the world and engaged you the way Phil would when you spoke over dinner or just when you watched tv, it was easy.

‘What are the other possibilities?’ You asked leaning into him and giving him your best flirting techniques. They seemed to work as he blushed and went into another explanation of how they could use the technology for all kinds of uses including making super soldiers. You pretended to be intrigued by the notion and that seemed to get Tristan to want to show you something. He disappeared for a moment and you took this chance to subtly plug the USB into a random port and moved another laptop in the way so you couldn’t see any difference.

‘Okay, give me twenty minutes to get in and out.’ Skye said and brought up a small clock that would flash every five minutes until she was done. 

Tristan came back with a small orb like object, he smiled at you, brushing his thumb over it. There was a small hint of fear at the back of your mind telling you to be wary of the orb and of what Tristan had planned for it.

‘What’s that?’ You asked, naturally.

‘This is the next stage of medical technology.’ He said excitedly, he offered his hand and you took it, being led to the middle of the lab. Tristan dropped the orb on the floor and out of it came an extraordinarily detailed image of the human brain, he held your shoulders with his warm soft hands and pointed out different aspects of the brain. ‘The human brain is incredibly fragile and it holds such power over us. It has the ability to heal us, teach us, help us grow strong, tune our senses to the smallest of details and yet there is so much more to be discovered.’

Tristan jumped over to a particular part of the image and spoke with a huge grin on his face and enthusiasm in his voice. 

‘Can you imagine Stella?’ He said. ‘If we can use this undiscovered potential to power entire cities, use it in unison with other brains to come up with breath taking new ideas that will change the world.’

‘That sounds amazing! Two minds linked together like one.’ You said, feeling truly inspired by this man. Tristan stood in front of you looking up at the brain with you. ‘I take it the technology isn’t quite there yet?’

There was a slightly darkened look in his eyes. ‘I’m afraid not, many of the volunteers have not survived the initial stages, but we are rapidly learning from our mistakes and hopefully soon more will survive and be able to link their minds together.’ He smiled down at you and you saw exactly what was going through his mind, Phil had the same look first time you met and you knew now what it had meant.

Tristan leaned in slightly, and you made the decision to let him kiss you, it was the one thing that would keep you safely in his blind spot and in case you needed to come back at any point for anything else, it would be something he’d remember. You quickly pulled away, remembering where you were. The clock popped up at the bottom of your line of vision, you still had ten minutes to complete the mission.

‘I’m sorry.’ You said unsure of what it was you were about to say next. ‘I just… I’m not good at this and… I don’t want to mess it up.’ You said, it took him a moment, but he eventually believed you.

‘It’s okay Stella,’ He said, approaching you again. ‘Truth be told, I’m not exactly good at this either, but your love for science has me intrigued and I’d like for you, if nothing else, to see that I have that same love. I believe that when two people have a shared passion in their lives, it connects them in some way or another, these connections may be small or they may be larger than life, I hope ours is larger than life.’ Tristan smiled and kissed your forehead. You didn’t exactly know what to say, so you just smiled and watched him study your face.

‘Tell me more about the brain.’ You said distracting him slightly. ‘How do you harness such power? If it’s really there, of course.’ You arched your eyebrow playfully, challenging him intellectually again, it seemed to keep him happy and keep him talking as well. Both of which were preferable.

He went off again talking about the ways in which he planned to harness that power, it seemed slightly out of your comfort zone and a little above what you thought you could handle, but you paid attention and asked a few questions when you thought it appropriate and anything you really didn’t understand you attributed to the language barrier and he was sympathetic, explaining himself further and speaking with such joy in his heart.

The clock was now counting the minutes until your mission was done, you had three left. You decided it was time to wrap things up quickly. You threw in a slightly yawn and let your lids grow heavy, making it clear that it was getting late and that you would prefer to head home. You had already been in his company long enough, it was getting more and more dangerous the longer you stayed. Tristan began to notice and laughed.

‘I suppose it is late.’ He said glancing at his watch. The clock in the corner of your eye had reached zero, the USB could be safely removed with all the information needed. ‘Would you like me to drive you home?’ He asked.

‘That would be wonderful. Thank you for showing me your brain.’ You said with a classic smile. He nodded bashfully and scooped up the orb.

‘I best put this back where it belongs.’ Tristan stood in front of you, unsure of what the next move was. He laughed awkwardly indicating that he was about to put the orb back in its place. ‘I’ll be back.’ He said and left. You quickly swiped the USB from its port and taped it back to your ankle. You could hear Phil’s disapproval in his breath, he really didn’t like the fact that another man kissed you. 

Tristan came back in no time and you were glad you barely waited for him to leave, otherwise you would have been caught. He threw his jacket back on and helped you slip into your coat, you took his arm again and walked out of the tower with him. You caught a glimpse of a car turning a corner and knew that Trip would follow you to the rendezvous point.

Tristan continued to talk about life working at the company and you were reminded why you were there in the first place, to infiltrate and steal information on hydra research. As sweet and as kind as Tristan was, he was still hydra and you had a duty to something much greater than a kind scientist. 

You stopped outside and old apartment building and looked at Tristan. ‘Thank you for tonight, it was really wonderful.’ You said with a smile on your face.

‘Any time Stella, I would be glad to do it again. Maybe next time there will be a job on offer.’ He took your hand and kissed it. ‘Can I take you to dinner some time? Maybe tomorrow once you finished work?’ He asked, you weren’t quite ready for this, but you had a plan just in case.

‘I’m going back home tomorrow, to France. My mother has been ill lately and I feel I need to be with her for a while. I’ll be back before you know it though and maybe we can see about dinner then.’ You said, watching his face drop slightly. You watched Tristan take out a note pad and pen and scribble something down he folded it neatly and handed it to you. ‘My number, please call me. I hope your mother gets better.’ Tristan gave you a look to say he wanted to kiss you again. You felt sorry for him and let him do it, you thought about Phil and without realising it, you deepened the kiss slightly. Again you pulled away and smiled a very fake smile.

‘Good night Tristan.’ You said, much to his disappointment. 

‘Good night Stella.’ He said and watched you hop out of the car and walk towards the apartment building. You heard the car start and Tristan drove away. You turned to see a completely empty street, you darted into a small alleyway and removed the wig and contact lenses, stuffing them both into your bag.

‘Trip, now might be a good time for you to swing by.’ You said touching your ear piece. You took the USB from your ankle and put that in your bag as well.

‘Just around the corner, it’ll be a drive by, I’ve got a tail.’ He said a little louder than you expected. You quickly loaded your gun and swung your bag onto your shoulder, hearing Trip driving around the corner, you sprinted towards the sound and in a matter of seconds you heard gun fire, a bullet clipped your leg and you cried out. You slipped on the pavement, but were soon on your feet again and jumping into the slowing vehicle with Trip. 

You threw your bag in the back and leaned out the window aiming and shooting out one of the pressing vehicle’s tyres, the car went into a tail spin, taking out the other car with it and yourself and Trip were soon speeding off back towards the bus. You found a bandage in the glove compartment and quickly wrapped up your small wound, it wasn’t bad, maybe stitches would be needed but you would be back in the field soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw the next chapter is a little intense, you don't miss anything if you want to skip over it. I'll put a small summary at the beginning of chapter 12 in case there's anything I think is relevant to the story. Enjoy!


	11. Bath Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is the promised sexy times with Phil. Feel free to skip as always you won't miss a thing :) enjoy

You got back to the bus in one piece and without wanting to stick around too long May had you in the air ten minutes after your arrival. You handed over the USB to Skye who began decrypting the data collected and finding out what she could. Jemma had you looked at and fixed up as good as new. You had yet to see Phil but you weren’t surprised in the slightest given your behaviour on the mission. He knew it was all part of your job, but it didn’t stop him be jealous or upset by it.

You stopped over in Athens for the night, the bus had been given an upgrade and it now took half the time to get from place to place, something many ground teams were grateful for. But it also meant that more tasks could be completed and that meant more tired agents roaming the skies. The plus side was that it took less time to get to rest stops and more agents could be saved when time wasn’t a factor. 

You had gotten checked into a hotel just outside the airfield and you were glad you were finally going to get some sleep. Phil had made an appearance and checked you both into the same room, he took you by the hand and almost ran towards the hotel room. You were a little worried that he was so angry with you that he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

When you got into the room, Phil turned you around and kissed you with everything he had against the door, his tongue invaded your mouth and his warm hands ran up you waist. Kissing Tristan was one thing, but Phil had something Tristan didn’t, you weren’t sure exactly of what it was, but Phil had what you needed most and he gave it to you at every turn.

‘I never want to see that again.’ Phil breathed against your lips. He stroked your hair and looked at you intensely. ‘I could barely contain myself.’ He laughed. ‘I just wanted to kill him for coming near you.’ You knew this was coming at some point, but you didn’t know it what form, you were glad it was this one.

Phil kissed you again and breathed you in, holding you close. You loved this part of Phil, the loving side that felt warm and safer than any other side. You weren’t sure of how long you stood there for, but soon Phil had other plans.

‘I want you to take a bath.’ He whispered. ‘You’ve been talking about needing one for a week now.’ It was as if Phil wasn’t quite talking to you, but more thinking out loud to himself. He disappeared into the bathroom and you heard the sound of running water, you decided you might as well take a bath and went about getting undressed for it.

You slipped out of your shirt and felt Phil’s hands slide around your waist travelling upwards slightly, he kissed your shoulder gently and you felt him smile against your skin.

‘You okay?’ You asked. Phil began kissing up your neck and caressing your hips.

‘I’ve been better.’ He said, sucking on the sensitive skin he found. ‘I want you to have something nice, hence the bath.’

‘Mmm, it does sound good right about now.’ You agreed, feeling Phil’s lips work along your now very sensitive neck. ‘Will you be joining me?’ You asked, hopeful of his answer.

‘I have a few reports to do, but I’ll be right out here if you need anything.’ Phil kissed your temple and let go of your waist. He wandered back into the bathroom and turned the tap off. ‘What?’ He asked, when he came back out of the bathroom and you gave him a look of disapproval.

‘You can do those reports sitting next to the bath tub.’ You reasoned. ‘I want to spend time with you, after spending my weekend in the company of a Hydra scientist, it’d be nice to hear your voice talking about something that isn’t ground breaking medical research.’

Phil put his hands on his hips and tried to stare you down, but you had already gotten rid of all your clothes, there was no way he was winning this round. Phil just chuckled and kissed your cheek, picking up his laptop and gesturing for you to lead the way.

‘You just want to stare at my ass.’ You said smiling.

‘It’s true, I’m without shame.’ Phil followed you, still smiling, you nearly skipped into the bathroom, eager to relax.

You loved the feel of the hot water on your skin, seeping into your muscles and relaxing them. It felt good and it was only then that you felt how much you really ached. Phil typed away with a soft melody coming out of his laptop soothing your senses, he was right, this was something you needed.

‘How are the reports coming?’ You asked, watching Phil from the side.

‘Fine, how’s the bath?’ He replied, still typing away. He hadn’t risked his glasses steaming up in the bathroom and instead squinted heavily at the screen in front of him.

‘Lonely.’ You hinted. Phil looked at you and smiled. ‘Have a bath with me Phil.’ You begged.

Phil sighed and stared at you momentarily, before standing up and putting his laptop in the bedroom. He came back still smiling cheekily. He began unbuttoning his shirt slowly revealing the patches of hair on his chest that hid the scar in the centre. Phil threw the shirt into the bedroom and you didn’t bother hiding your approval at his upper body, admiring his tight stomach and slightly bulging arms and shoulders. He then slowly unbuckled his trousers, sliding his belt out and again throwing it away into the bedroom.

‘You keeping them on?’ You said with a coy smile.

Phil chuckled and slowly undid the button and slid the zip down before removing his trousers along with his socks, he stood in his briefs staring at you with his hands on his hips.

‘Better?’ He asked playing with you. Phil stepped up to the edge of the tub and leaned down to kiss you gently. You traced your hand down his chest, his stomach and eventually you came to the waist band of his briefs. You could tell Phil was enjoying the attention from his hardening cock beneath the fabric. 

‘Unless you want wet underwear, I suggest you take these off as well.’ You whispered against his lips, you felt him smile again. Phil stood up straight and slid his briefs down his sculpted hips and let them drop to the floor. He stepped out of them and approached you again, you stood up on your knees and immediately kissed his hips, making him let out a satisfied sigh. He ran his fingers through your hair feeling your lips against his skin, you looked up at Phil and saw his face filled with desire.

Phil smiled and gently moved your body so that he could climb in behind you. You rested against his chest, just feeling his body against yours, letting the water lap at you both for a while. It was nice listening to his heart beating against your ear, with his hand running through your hair. 

Eventually you could feel Phil’s hand roam down your body and gently massage your breasts, letting out softs moans as he felt your body pressed against his. You twisted your body so that your back was up against his chest. Immediately Phil kissed your still sensitive neck and ran his hands up your stomach back to your breasts and moaned his satisfaction into your neck. 

You brought your hand up and played with the hairs on the back of Phil’s neck, making him shudder on occasion. You felt one of his hands drop down below the water line and began caressing your inner thighs and eventually your clit. Phil was suddenly very eager for you to come for him and began working your clit faster, whispering encouragements in your ear until your release came very suddenly, crying out Phil’s name, arching your back while Phil continued to work your clit and play with your nipple and listening to his moans against your ear.

You had barely come down from your high when Phil whispered to you: ‘I want to see you.’ Without hesitation you turned your body, splashing water over the bath and climbed on top of Phil, his eyes were so dark they were almost black. You positioned yourself just above his cock, teasing him slightly before eventually taking him all the way inside you. It was something you had done before on many occasions, but something about watching his eyes flutter close, taking in the pleasure of being inside you, told you that this was something he needed.

Phil held your hips, you didn’t move much, just enough to make him feel good, you were enjoying watching his face. He opened his eyes and smiled at you.

‘You’re making me feel self conscious.’ He joked.

‘I think we’re a bit past that, don’t you?’ You leaned down and kissed Phil intensely. He barely let you move, running his hand through your hair and pushing his tongue into your mouth as you moaned into it. Soon his other hand began encouraging you to move a little more vigorously, you happily obliged, sitting up and letting Phil stare at your body as you rocked your hips in a good rhythm, grinding against his pelvic bone until you couldn’t take much more and again your release came. You moaned Phil’s name as you clenched around his cock, you heard him moan as well as he sat up and kissed you, filling you up finally.

Both of you were left breathing heavily, you could feel your limbs shaking as all energy left you, you could barely move without it feeling like an enormous amount of effort. You and Phil breathed together and you felt for the first time in a long time like you were both in this together.

‘I love you so much.’ He whispered.

‘I love you too, Phil.’ You focussed your eyes on Phil and saw that he had let a few tears leave his eyes. ‘Hey, it wasn’t that bad was it?’ You joked wiping them away.

‘It was amazing, I just can’t believe what’s happened over the last few years.’ Phil admitted with an honesty you had never anticipated before. You had both been through so much and finally it had caught up to Phil. He sniffed and said: ‘Come on, lets get out.’ 

You struggled, but eventually you managed to get yourself out of the bath and quickly dried off. You couldn’t find any energy to do anything except grab a fresh pair of underwear and a clean shirt and curl up under the covers, you let Phil finish his reports before he grabbed his briefs and got in next to you. You rested your head on his chest for a while and you both just enjoyed each other’s company in silence.

‘Are you okay?’ You said quietly. You felt Phil sigh and kiss the top of your head.

‘Are you?’ He came back with.

‘No.’ You admitted. You felt your eyes grow heavy as Phil’s hand played with your hair, relaxing you entirely as you fell silent.


	12. My Boy, My Poor Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the slow updates guys, just a few chapters left now and i'm hoping they'll be uploaded fairly soon, time permitting.

‘You felt sorry for him didn't you?’ Phil asked, still stroking your hair. You often did this, this thing where you made love and then had a deep meaningful conversation about something you didn't particularly want to talk about. It was an annoying habit Phil had but in truth you didn't really mind too much, you knew it was a good thing to get everything out in the open.

‘We’re talking about Tristan aren't we?’ You replied.

‘He's Hydra. That fact hasn't changed.’ Phil reminded you.

‘And I didn't forget that!’ You didn't mean to sound so frustrated, but you did a good job on that mission and you finally felt like you were accomplishing something. You sat up and stared at Phil. ‘I did my job, I got the information needed and Tristan never suspected me for a second. It was clean.’ 

Phil propped himself up on his elbows. ‘I wasn't questioning your ability to complete a mission, I'm just saying that I noticed you developed strong feelings for this man and I wasn't exactly keen on it.’

You thought for a moment before deciding honesty was the best policy. ‘He was passionate.’ You said, turning away from Phil to stare aimlessly out of the window. ‘He loved science and all he was looking for was someone to share that connection with… He reminded me of the simple things, like actually living a normal life and the only struggles being things like your crazy ex or where you're going out next week. He had passion.’

‘You have passion.’ Phil said gently. You could feel his hand drifting up your back to massage your shoulder.

‘Yeah, that's why you fell in love with me.’ You smiled. Phil chuckled and sat up, he began kissing your other shoulder.

‘It wasn't the only reason.’ He said into your neck.

You didn't know what did it really, but you broke down in tears and couldn't stop feeling the hurt in your chest grow. ‘It's so hard.’ You moaned. ‘It's so hard to live without him, why is it so hard?!’

‘Because he's your son.’ Phil said without hesitating to hold you safely in his arms. ‘He's your son and you love him more than anything and the monster that killed me has taken that from you. That's why it's hard, that's why it hurts but it's okay, because we can put our trust in Thor, we can trust him to find Luke and bring him home.’

Phil's phone began to ring and at that time it could only have been one person.

‘God can't he give us peace for one night!’ You said still crying. 

Phil got up to answer Fury’s call while you just wept silently in the background.

‘Sir?... Athens, we needed to take a detour, but the research has been sent back to HQ… Yes sir, she's here… What? Are you sure?...’ Phil was quiet for the longest time. ‘They found Luke.’ Was all he said.

 

Phil had done his best to brief everyone on the bus, apparently a lot of agents were being called back to Washington in order to deal with everything that was happening. It seemed there had been an attack by Loki and a race of unidentified alien species at his disposal. But the real concern was that Loki had what looked like an apprentice with him at all times, someone Thor believed was your son.

You were in mild shock, you knew it, you could barely breathe, you kept pacing the bus and trying to find anything to distract yourself from what was happening. You couldn't quite grasp the facts, Luke was terrorising Washington with Loki and you were being sent to stop him somehow… You didn't even know what it was you were facing, the footage you had been sent was little use and it didn't look like Luke. The apprentice was aggressive and violent in the worst possible ways, there was no way it was your son, it couldn't have been.

Phil came to see you in the lounge, where it was pretty obvious you were having a break down.

‘Hey.’ He said rolling up his sleeves and sitting next to you. ‘We’ll get this done, just like any other mission.’

‘But it's not.’ You said, reminding him of the harsh truth. ‘It's our son, and he needs us Phil.’

‘Sweetheart, we need to prepare for the possibility that-‘

‘Don't. Just don't.’ You turned away from Phil, unable to have that conversation just yet. It may not have looked like your son at that exact moment, but it was your responsibility as a parent to help your son in his darkest hour.

You landed finally, you looked at the devastation around you, buildings were on fire, agents were bleeding out everywhere you turned. You were losing the fight and it didn't look promising any time soon. You all ran across the landing strip to take shelter in the metal bunker where Fury said he would meet you, you tripped and fell hard over something unseen and before you knew it, Phil was scooping you up and helping get everyone to safety. The handy thing about being the physical specimen you now were was that you were so much faster than the rest of your team, it made certain missions easier to get through and made you first choice on others. However, this time your speed was working against you, your vision had begun slowing given your mental and emotional state and you could barely keep track of the amount of debris that was flying your way.

You all made it to the bunker safely, Skye had a cut across her arm that looked worse than it was and most of you just had cuts and scrapes covering most of your exposed skin. The bunker was safe enough and as you suspected it was filled with injured agents and doctors running around. Fitzsimmons quickly began helping where they could, starting with Skye's cut. Phil led you, Trip and May to where Fury and Hill were standing barking orders to various agents.

‘Coulson!’ Fury called. ‘Thank god you got here in one piece, let's get you briefed. This way.’ Fury led you down a set of stairs to a more secure part of the base. It may not have been obvious but Fury was clearly flustered and well out of his depth.

Occasionally the room would shake with whatever explosion was happening elsewhere, you found a room off a random corridor and it was only then that you realised that Hill had her own cuts and bruises and she looked incredibly drained.

‘First things first, we don't know it's your son.’ Fury said to a room full of people who clearly had no belief in what he said. ‘We don't! The enemy out there is vicious and without remorse, does that sound like something you made?!’ No one said anything. ‘I didn't think so. The attack started early this morning, we called in just about every unit we have that could be spared across the globe, the avengers are doing their part, we need to do ours. Loki has established himself a base several miles from here, we can't get close with ground units and anything that comes from above gets blown out of the sky before we can get a good look. We’re looking at our options… They're limited to say the least.’

‘We have a plan that might work.’ Hill continued. ‘Ground units make a lot of noise, but you might not. Coulson we’re sending your team in to take down the apprentice, it seems Loki sends him to do a lot of the dirty work, without him in the picture, Thor can deal with Loki.’

‘When you say take down?’ You asked the burning question. Phil immediately put his hand on your shoulder and you suddenly realised how angry you were. Phil gently pulled you back and kept you calm.

‘Last time I saw you that angry, you saved an entire team of people.’ Fury said. ‘And in the process you tried to kill yourself. Are we going to have a problem here?’ His eyebrow arched.

‘No.’ Phil answered firmly. ‘It's just like any other mission.’ Phil reminded you. ‘Give us the location, we’ll get it done.’

There was a brief moment where everyone looked to Fury, unsure of what to do, but sure enough he trusted Phil and gave him the exact location.

 

Skye was bandaged up and ready to head out, Phil decided that you would go out in two teams, you and Skye would head out together and May would go with Phil, Trip would scout ahead and let you know if the coast was clear to move forward. You loaded your side arm but made a mental note not to use it, you weren't killing your son, no matter what. Trip was the only one who wore body armour.

‘I don't have someone watching my back, I'm not taking the risk.’ He said giving you a wink before heading out in front of you. You were about to head out with Skye when Phil, to everyone's surprise, spun you back around and kissed you with everything he had. You loved kissing Phil it was easier than anything in the world, but you were very aware of a lot of young agents as well as Fury and Hill watching you as Phil did something completely out of character.

‘I love you.’ Phil whispered against your lips. He quickly gave you another kiss before heading off in one direction with May, you watched him go for a few seconds feeling like you were heading into a war zone and the chances of survival were slim at best. You took off in the opposite direction with Skye, keeping your gun at eye level as you manoeuvred your way towards the centre of the city. 

‘There's no one around.’ Trip said. ‘The place is deserted.’ 

You and Skye were wandering around an abandoned garage, there was a small fire going on one of the cars and you both steered clear in case it exploded.

‘Nothing on our side either.’ You said. ‘Phil?’

‘Nothing either.’ He responded. ‘Okay, let's keep moving forward.’

You continued to search buildings and streets for any sign that you were getting close to Loki and his apprentice, you checked in with Fury occasionally and gave the avengers updates as well. 

You met up with Trip and began working your way to meet up with Phil and May, that was when you got the call that Luke had been found.

‘He's here! Two streets over!’ That was all you heard before the comms cut out and you raced for your life to Phil’s location, desperately avoiding falling debris and praying that Phil was unharmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter after this is a special chapter that has taken me ages to write and get right, but it's down to you guys to decide if you like it or not, so let me know how I did and if it fits in with the story okay. Thanks for your patience!


	13. Luke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke's POV. Let me know if you like it guys, I thought a slight change of pace would inject a little something else :)

Loki had always been there, he was like a father figure to Luke, he taught him how to be a man and taught him everything he needed to know about survival. Luke had been told about the many enemies the universe had and that Luke was the one person that could stop them from corrupted freedom. He had been to many planets enforcing the same true freedom on them, this planet was no different, a part from the familiar feeling in the back of Luke’s mind nagging away at him. Like this place was familiar for a reason, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had been there before. But Loki had said it was impossible and Luke believed him.

This planet had sent hordes of men after Luke, they had resisted much more than any other planet he had come across; he had once asked Loki if it was best to leave them be and go to another planet that would be less likely to offer resistance. He had been so angry with Luke when he asked that, but carefully explained that if they were to simply leave, what would other civilisations think of their strength?

Luke had never been so tired in all his sixteen years of life, it was exhausting trying to push back the teams of people running at them and when they sent in the flying machines it hadn’t gotten any better, more of Loki’s army had died in the cross fire when Luke put a stop to it. His muscles were tight and his bones ached to no end, but the fight wasn’t over. Apparently they had sent in a new team of five people who were scouting the area and getting closer and closer to their position. Three females and two males by the sounds of things, a small force had gone to stop them at the end of the street while Luke gained back some of his strength before heading to deal with them.

Luke watched Loki as his sharp eyes scanned the area and watched the fight take place, there was a look in his eye that said he was pleased with the results. Luke suddenly had a feeling that he couldn’t explain, like something was drawing him to the end of the street. He stood up and watched with curiosity. Loki slapped his hand on Luke’s shoulder and smiled.

‘Are you ready to eliminate their most treasured warriors?’ He asked. ‘Once they are gone taking the planet will be easier and then we can leave.’ 

Luke nodded. He took a deep breath before picking up his staff and sprinting faster than any other member of the force towards the intruders, he spotted a woman in hand to hand combat with one of Loki’s weaker soldiers and as predicted she did well against him. Luke grabbed a grenade and threw it in her general direction before heading towards the man who simply stared in wonder at the beast in front of him. For a moment Luke stopped, feeling something towards the man, it couldn’t have been explained, but before the man could speak, Luke swung his silver staff at the man sending him flying backwards.

‘Sweetheart, he’s here.’ The man choked as Luke stood over him. ‘It’s Luke.’ How did he know Luke’s name? He stared up at Luke, bleeding from his head and clutching his leg. ‘I’m sure.’ He said. Luke was frustrated now, how did this man know what he looked like? He had never seen Luke before, but something about the soft blue eyes that stared up at him in fear told him differently.

The whisper of a memory came floating back, a man playing with a child, laughing while a woman watched and smiled a beautiful loving smile at them. Luke couldn’t quite place what it was, if it was a memory at all or just an idea. Loki had said that sometimes, the most powerful of people can read minds, seep into dreams and sometimes even control the thoughts of others. That must’ve been it, he was simply seeing the memories of the man in front of him, but even so, how could he kill a man with such kindness in his heart?

Luke could hear the distinctive sounds of people running, a woman barely noticing Luke ran to the man on the floor and began to fuss over him.

‘Phil, are you okay?’ She asked. She had a soft caring voice that Luke was drawn to. The man he now knew as Phil pointed to Luke behind her and when she turned, Luke saw the familiar beautiful face of the woman in his dreams. The caring, kind and loving woman he had seen for years, he dropped his staff and snapped back to reality. She was also bleeding, she had cuts on her face and over her body from fighting Loki’s lackeys.

‘Luke.’ It was a whisper on her lips. Luke couldn’t take what he was feeling much longer.

‘How do you know my name?!’ He roared at the two people crouching in pain on the floor of the filthy street.

‘Luke, please.’ The woman said, she was thinking very fast, that much was clear. ‘I remember those days,’ she began, ‘I remember those days where you were a handful and your father, this man here,’ she positioned herself in front of Phil, protecting him. ‘He would come home after a long day and even though he was tired, he would play with you so that I could work. He would make you laugh and teach you things. Do you remember those days Luke?’ 

‘How do you know that?’ Luke felt as if this woman was tearing at a piece of his soul that he kept secret from everyone. No one knew that, no one knew what the woman said and yet here she was saying all those things he remembered her saying and that whisper of a memory came floating back, a little clearer than before. Phil smiling with those soft blue eyes and the woman standing watching and laughing a warm laugh.

‘Because,’ She couldn’t quite get the words out for the tears. ‘We’re your parents, Luke, we love you so much.’ She was sobbing heavily and all Luke could think to do was to hold her until she stopped. He looked into the eyes of his father and saw it, the connection they had, those blue eyes teaching him to say such simple words, trying to piece together puzzles and getting it wrong, being lifted high in to the air and laughing at the feeling in the pit of his stomach. Luke could feel the warmth of his mother’s body in his arms, he remembered it, he remembered having nightmares and her coming in to his room, exhaustion heavy in her eyes as she sang him back to sleep and held him so he could hear the soft beating of her heart against his ear.

‘I would dream of you.’ Luke said. ‘Walking along a beach, talking about things and laughing together. She showed me my father… He looked just like you.’ Phil chuckled slightly.

‘I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t believe us.’ He said. ‘But I think a part of you realises that we wouldn’t tell you such things if they weren’t true.’

Luke loosened his grip on his mother and looked at her face, it was just as beautiful as he remembered from his dreams. ‘I need to ask a question.’

‘Anything.’ She said relieved.

‘The last time I dreamed of you, you disappeared into a black sky like something was pulling you from sleep and you said that no matter what, my father loves us both. What did that mean?’ Luke watched as his mother turned to Phil before wiping away her tears and putting on a brave face.

‘Luke, your father and I have been through a lot.’ She said. ‘You were taken from us not long ago and we’ve struggled to come to terms with it. We’ve both done things we’re not exactly proud of, but we’re here now and we need you to trust us. I can see that you want to… The man who took you, Loki, he killed your father, for no good reason and he took you away from me when I was weakest. I understand that you’ve grown with him at your side, but if you trust us even a little bit, then you’ll know that he can’t get away with what he’s doing to our planet. Help us Luke. You’re the closest one to him and more capable than anyone of defeating him. Thor can only do so much, you have to help him. Please.’ She begged.

Luke thought for a moment, he had always trusted Loki, but he didn’t always trust his motives. As much as Loki knew how to lie to people, Luke was so much better at reading lies and knew that Loki lied to him constantly, but these people didn’t lie, they had secrets but they didn’t lie to him. These were his parents and they had come all this way to find him.

Loki had never mentioned much about Thor, but it was clear that he had unconditional love and hate for his brother, but it was true that Loki had been slightly out of control in recent times and in all honesty it scared Luke slightly, like he was getting closer to a prize of some kind and it was unsettling.

‘Luke.’ A soft voice whispered. Luke snapped his head around to see Loki looking down his nose at the three of them. He was angry, that much was obvious, his face was almost expressionless but Luke had seen that look before, he was angry alright and about to do something very violent. ‘Why aren’t these creatures dead?’ He asked in his silky voice. He took a step forward and for some reason Luke felt immediately instinctual towards the two people behind him, he put his arm out in front of his mother and stood up staring at Loki.

‘Don’t tell me you’ve succumbed to their lies?’ he didn’t really need to ask the question, Loki wasn’t disappointed as such, but he was playing a game. It was a side Luke had seen many times, but never from this side of things. 

‘These are my parents.’ Luke said, his mother took the hint and was suddenly helping Phil up, desperate to get him to safety. ‘I can’t kill them.’

‘You can’t, I can.’ Loki said and thrust his spear towards them, white light bursting from it, making escape almost impossible.

‘Stop!’ Luke shouted. ‘Just stop!’

‘Why should I? They are inferior in every way, I’m doing you a favour. You don’t want weak parents, do you?’ Loki began to step around Luke to get a better shot. Luke followed his movements with his own, not letting him get the shot.

‘Don’t make me do this.’ Luke warned. That got his attention, Loki was now staring Luke down, but he wouldn’t be intimidated. ‘I dreamed about my mother, I dreamed that she would find me… I didn’t even know I was taken, you told me you saved me from cruelty! You said I was just like you!’ Luke could barely contain his anger and it was clearly giving Loki a sense of satisfaction.

‘And haven’t I been a good father? Teaching you the ways of the universe, helping you grow strong and powerful?’ Loki grinned wickedly. ‘Though your ability to read people so well has been an annoying advantage you have. I should have taught you to obey!’ Loki suddenly thrust for Luke who was so much quicker, he may not have been as strong as Loki, but he was fast and he was smart, he knew how to use what he had. 

Luke grabbed Loki’s spear and using it jumped up to kick him square in the chest, without realising what happened, another shot came out of the spear and concrete began falling, one piece fell hard and a scream echoed through Luke’s heart; his mother. At the very same time, as Phil dragged his body over to help, Thor came flying through the street and took Loki with him sending both of the gods into a tail spin where they fought each other. Luke felt an unquestionable draw to the woman beneath the debris and the broken man trying to help her, screaming for her to be okay. 

Luke strode over to them and simply lifted the concrete to reveal his mother unconscious and losing her battle with life, he could see that she clearly had a few broken bones, in her arm and her hip had been crushed as well as a steel bar poking through her chest. Phil screamed and cried for her, pulling her with all the strength he had, until another man with dark skin and a woman with brown hair arrived pulling them both to safety. Luke dropped the concrete once everyone was clear and looked around, he finally realised the devastation he had been causing on all those other planets, homes and families had been torn apart because of him and he had been so blind to the pain. Here it was in front of him, staring him in the face and it was horrendous to watch.

The woman was calling for help while the man was trying to find out where someone else was. There was another woman, one that Luke had dealt with on his way to Phil.

Luke ran back to find that said woman was still standing, exhausted and fighting off more soldiers, she was strong and feisty. She was bleeding and swinging a metal pole widely at her enemies. Luke was unsure of how he was going to help, but he could start by calling off the attack and letting the woman rest.

The soldiers backed away and Luke tried to slowly approach the woman, more people began to show up, Luke did nothing, he simply let them attack Loki’s army and help the woman who looked confused momentarily before realising something and being taken away to recover. Luke went back over to Phil who was holding Luke’s mother in his arms crying for her not to be dead.

‘Please, please, I can’t, I can’t do this without you.’ He cried. Luke felt for him and went over to the both of them.

‘We need to get her out of here, Loki won’t stop. I’ve seen him like this before.’ Luke tried to get Phil to let go for just a second so that Luke could carry her to safety, but he was too hysterical to do anything other than kiss her head, stroke her hair and cry for her. Luke looked to the two other people who were dumbstruck and just as upset, they both had tears in their eyes and neither knew what to do. Luke decided that just sitting around praying for her to be alive just wasn’t going to cut it, he had just gotten his mother back, he couldn’t let this happen, not now. 

He went to the man with dark skin and tried to get him to focus. ‘We need to leave, she won’t survive here! How do we get out of here? Is there somewhere we can go?’

‘She’s my best friend.’ Was all he could say. ‘She can’t die.’

‘No, she can’t. So help me save her and my father.’ Luke said. Suddenly the man focussed a little more and searched around.

‘There.’ He said. ‘We can get that truck and drive them back in that.’

‘Okay, then lets do that.’ Luke gave him a little push in the direction of the vehicle the pointed to and checked on his mother again, she was still unconscious and fear trickled down Luke’s spine, he didn’t quite know what he was supposed to do here. 

There was a loud explosion from behind where they were sitting, Loki had managed to shake Thor momentarily and had come back, rage lacing his every piece of being. Loki stood watching Luke, before taking a small knife from his side and lunging for Luke. Luke managed to dodge it and began doing everything he could to keep the madman distracted while Trip got everyone to safety. That was until Loki managed to get a good shot in and cut Luke right across his chest, Luke cried out and right on cue Thor came flying into view, taking Loki out and slamming him into another building.

‘Here!’ A voice shouted and a hand reached out to grab Luke and pull him onto the back of the truck. Luke lay back and watched as the sky as flying machines tore through the clouds and made their way to Loki’s position, Luke could feel the pain radiating outwards from his chest as sleep came to claim him, peace soon settled and Luke finally felt like he had done some good in this life.


	14. You Were Sure You Died

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, this is almost the end to series, I mean for real this time! There are sixteen chapters total, so enjoy them while you can.

You were sure you’d died, the heavy concrete came crashing down on top of you and that was it, life was over. You had gotten your son back and for a while you were happy, you had the love of your life and your son and you finally found peace for an all too brief moment. You could feel your body crying out with pain and a familiar warm hand in yours. Phil was there and that was fine, that was okay. You had learnt a long time ago that if you lost everything, Phil would still remain, he would still be there, in however many pieces, he’d be there.

You could feel the familiar groan of your body trying to wake up, it was dark, you could tell, but the slow heart monitor didn’t sound good. You tried your hardest to squeeze Phil’s hand and get his attention. Finally after a few tries it worked.

‘Sweetheart,’ He said, sleepily. ‘I’m here, it’s okay. Just sleep, I’m here.’ Phil climbed in next to you and kissed your head, snuggling down next to you and keeping you safe. ‘I’m here sweetheart.’ He said as you drifted off again.

You woke again with Phil still snuggled next to you, you didn’t have quite the same groan as before but you still ached. Phil began waking the same time you did and you turned to him, feeling him kiss your head and breathe you in.

‘How do you feel?’ Phil whispered.

‘Bad.’ Was all you could muster back. You felt Phil chuckle and settle again holding you a little tighter than before, you grimaced slightly.

‘Sorry… it was touch and go for a while.’ He admitted.

‘I’m sorry.’ You said. 

‘Don’t be. Luke saved us.’ Phil smiled. ‘He’s okay, you’ve been out for a few weeks, he’s been through protocol and even helped rebuild some of the city in that time. He’s a good kid at heart. You’d be so proud of him.’ 

You smiled at Phil, knowing he understood what you were trying to say. Phil’s head snapped around and he almost leapt off the bed, you turned to see that Luke was standing at the door.

‘Can I see her?’ He asked unsure. Phil smiled and nodded.

‘Just for a little while, she’s still tired.’ He was right, you were exhausted, but seeing Luke up close was worth staying awake just a little longer for.

He stood by your bed thrust his hands in his pockets, he was just as you pictured in your head, your strong boy with green eyes and thick hair that made him just as handsome as his father. He was maybe a little shorter than Phil but not by much, you knew he was still growing and still learning, but you loved him unconditionally just the same.

You felt a tear leave your eyes and Luke smiled, he wiped it away with the sleeve of his shirt. ‘You’re just as beautiful as I remember you.’ He said, his voice was graceful and quiet. He had a look about him that was bashful, the same one Phil had when he was embarrassed by something and you thought it was endearing. 

‘Come on.’ Phil said. ‘Let’s let her sleep a while, you have all the time in the world to see her again.’

Luke nodded and smiled at you again. You felt his hand drift over yours, still unsure of the boundaries in place. Phil gave you a kiss on your head before he went to leave.

‘I love you. Get some rest. I’ll be back later sweetheart.’ Phil said. ‘You should be proud of him.’

‘I am.’ You whispered through your tears. You looked up at the ceiling and felt the pull of sleep once again. Your family was whole again and you were happy.

 

A week later and you were finally allowed to go home, Phil was still limping but he was able to drive the three of you back to your apartment. Phil helped you up the stairs while Luke followed behind carrying your things, it was obvious that he had some traces of Asgardian blood in him, but he was entirely your son. He had good in his heart and after seeing the force he was in rebuilding the city, you knew that he would continue to be a good person. 

Luke had visited you whenever he could in hospital and you had talked for hours about the world he was born in, he was a quick learner and even picked up on pop culture references easier than Steve Rogers had. Phil was right, you were proud of him, he knew he had done wrong on this planet and worked hard to repay what he could.

You finally made it to your apartment and Phil fished out the keys, you could tell Luke was nervous, but you squeezed his arm gently and it calmed him slightly. Luke offered his arm to you and you gladly took it, he was all the gentleman his father was and you were glad for it. Luke put your things down and looked slightly awkwardly around the room, his hands were back in his pockets. Phil helped you sit down on the sofa, the stairs had been a little much for you and your punctured lung was catching up to you. 

‘Would you like to see where you slept?’ Phil asked. Luke nodded and followed Phil towards Luke’s old room, you hadn’t cleaned it out and everything was still in place. You would get to that at some point, but at that moment all you wanted to do was sleep. It had been a long journey and you had a lot of physical therapy to go to the next day. You listened to Luke and Phil laughing in the next room as your eyes grew heavy and you fell asleep. 

You woke again to Phil gently stroking your hair, your eyes fluttered open and you saw Phil smiling at you. Your hand reached down to soothe the ache in your hip, you were still in a lot of pain from the battle, but could feel yourself getting better.

‘Remember,’ Phil started, ‘when I said, I was thinking about getting out of field work?’ 

You chuckled slightly. ‘Yeah.’

‘I think we both need to consider retirement.’ Phil smiled. He was right, you couldn't keep this up forever and now that you had Luke back there really was no reason for you to still be putting your life at risk. ‘I'll make the call to Fury in the morning.’

‘You know he loves you.’ You said, reaching for Phil's hand and holding it against you. ‘Where's Luke?’

Phil smiled widely. ‘I am teaching him to take care of his mother, starting by making her a cup of tea and finding all of her work to hide until she gets better.’ You laughed and adjusted yourself slightly to a more comfortable position. ‘How's it coming?’ Phil called to the kitchen.

‘Um… I'm stuck!’ Came a voice back. Phil laughed and gave you a kiss. He passed you a thin pillow and said ‘In case you manage to sit up without me.’ You playfully hit him with the pillow and laughed, knowing full well you'd still be lying down by the time he got back.

You listened to the sounds in the kitchen of Phil teaching Luke how to make a cup of tea and suddenly it hit you just how much you missed those opportunities in life, to teach your son the ways of world and for him to grow into a fierce young gentleman just like his father, but it seemed fate had given you yet another chance at life. Luke had said how he had been to those other planets and learnt limited things about the culture, that he never learnt about the people there and it was his biggest regret. You decided then and there, that you would teach him everything you knew about the world around you, he would have an understanding of the good things in life and learn not to let the bad things get to him, he would understand what love really was and know what it really looks like, he would know what real life was and how to make his own choices.

 

After a lengthly phone call with Fury, Phil drove Luke back to HQ to undergo more testing and questioning, Luke understood, he didn't like it especially, but he understood and was very forthcoming with information. He was then very eager to go out and continue rebuilding, you figured he just wanted something to do with his hands, you noticed he was like that, always looking for something to do, like he was hyperactive constantly, but you could also see how tired he was all the time and you struggled to know what to do.

You had been limping around your apartment listening to music when Phil came back.

‘Hey!’ You called as he came over to kiss you. ‘What are you doing back so soon?’

‘Fury kicked me out and told me to get some rest.’ Phil shrugged. He leaned against the counter top and watched you as you made him a coffee.

‘Since when do you get some rest on command?’ You chuckled.

Phil paused and sighed. ‘I missed you.’ He said softly. ‘I just wanted to see if you were okay. I know the last few weeks have been slightly over whelming for everyone, I can't imagine what Luke is going through, but I felt like maybe I've been so focussed on him that I've let you slide out of the picture slightly and I'm sorry for that.’ Phil came around to hold your hips, being careful not to put too much pressure on the one that hurt.

You shook you head and laughed. ‘You've been just as attentive as always Phil and I appreciate it, Luke needs you more than I do right now. You're right we can't imagine what he's going through right now, it's a big scary world and we’re the only things helping him learn about what he's feeling and we are probably the most under qualified when it comes to dealing with feelings. But hopefully he will see that we are trying.’ You ran your hands up Phil's arms and steadied yourself.

Phil thought for a moment. ‘Yeah, I guess you're right.’ He kissed the top of your head again and smiled. ‘Oh by the way, Fury wants you to come in to take the head of department job in linguistics, the department is looking pretty slim just now with a few of the agents caught in the battle, but he understands that we all need a little time to recover.’

‘Really?!’ You exclaimed. ‘I get to head the department! That's amazing Phil! What about you?’

‘I'm going to go back to handling and making ops teams, I'll be away every so often on recruitment trips, but I'll be around much more regularly.’ Phil smiled down at you. You wrapped your arms around his neck and just held him against your chest. Feeling his body against your and knowing that this would be a regular occurrence. ‘But I was thinking about something.’ Phil said, you loosened your grip and watched him finish making coffee and gestured for you to sit at the breakfast bar.

‘What's that?’ You took a tentative sip of the steaming mug.

‘Agent Morse has agreed to take the bus, but it seems that she will need to pick out a new team,’ he said, ‘May is going back to admin, Skye has joined the computing team, Trip wants to go into teaching self defence and Fitzsimmons have a hundred different projects on their plate, they're getting a new lab at HQ to carry out those projects… I think Luke should be on that bus.’

‘What?!’

‘Hear me out.’ Phil defended. ‘The bus isn't leaving for another six months, that's six months for him to decide if he wants to do this, but I think it could be good for him to go out and see the world we got see and maybe learn a thing or two. It'll be his choice, he can say no.’

You suddenly burst out laughing and although it sent pain shooting through your chest you couldn't stop.

‘Not the reaction I was expecting.’ Phil said.

‘He won't.’ You managed to get out. You finally calmed down enough to speak. ‘He’ll say yes Phil, you remember you gave me the same choice and I said yes immediately even though I knew what was in store for me. If he's anything like us, he’ll be on that bus in less than six months.’

Phil chuckled, seeing the funny side to it. ‘We’ll check in with him regularly, we’ll make sure he's okay. I just think it'll be good for him.’

‘You're asking me to give up my son Phil.’ You said, much more seriously. ‘We just got him back and you're talking about sending him away.’

‘I know.’ Phil took your hand and stroked your knuckles softly. ‘Give it a year then? See how he feels about it?’

‘Two. Let him turn eighteen, enrol in the academy – believe it or not, they've got people who specialise in this sort of thing – and then he can make a choice.’ You reasoned back. ‘Let him see what real family is first, let him see how much we love him.’

Phil knew you weren't really asking him, it was a negotiation, one you could tell you were winning. ‘Okay.’ He finally said. ‘Two years, no more.’ Phil kissed your hand and sighed. ‘I love you sweetheart.’

‘I love you too Phil.’


	15. As It Should Be

A year later and Luke was doing well, he was exceptionally smart and easily picked up on things. SHIELD attributed it to the Asgardian part of him working in over drive, but you could see his determination to make this work. Dr Wright had spoken with him regularly and encouraged him to talk to you and Phil more about what happened while he was gone. You happily obliged and for a while it was a struggle for everyone involved, but eventually sharing came easier and you felt like you were finally a family.

You had headed the linguistics department and rebuilt it from the ground up with Darcy's help. Phil had put together more mobile teams that could handle more pressure and made sure that they all took regular resting periods, much to Fury’s annoyance that he'd have to keep track of which units were active and which weren't, but he trusted Phil's judgement. You and Hill had formed an unlikely friendship, but it was one you enjoyed nonetheless. Steve came to visit any time he was back from a mission, always with some new injury, but he always peeked the attention of the female linguists in the room, something you found enjoyable to watch.

The bus had left with Morse, Parker, Greene and a couple of newer agents you didn't recognise the names of and from what you heard they were doing well. Phil had made sure that the best of the academy recruits were integrated into the teams appropriately and got a good education from the more experienced agents, it was a smart move on Phil's part, but it did mean he got to see Luke at the academy more than you did. That was until Phil asked if you would come with him on a recruiting assignment.

It was true that your department was thinner than most and keeping up with deadlines was becoming a slight issue, maybe you'd find someone good, maybe even a couple of agents to take on once they had finished their schooling.

The drive was longer than you anticipated, but you loved riding in Lola so you didn't mind taking the day out of the office. You and Phil talked about upcoming assignments, and it was half way through talking about some new artefacts that would mean a few late nights working when you realised something.

‘What?’ Phil said as you stared at him.

‘You're very handsome.’ You said quietly. Phil just chuckled and shook his head as his cheeks began to flush pink.

‘Well, I had hoped you'd realise that a little sooner.’ He said, his hand moving to hold yours for a moment. You kissed his knuckles and smiled. ‘What brought that on?’ Phil frowned.

‘I just miss the carefree Phil Coulson.’ You chuckled. ‘He smiles more than you.’

Phil gave you a quick look. ‘Carefree Phil?’ You saw a look appear on his face, one you'd seen many times before. Phil pulled the car over to a secluded area of the road, there was barely another car for miles and there's no way any of them would think to stop there.

‘What are you doing?’ You asked, unsure of quite why you had stopped. 

‘Hmm, I guess we’re having car trouble.’ Phil said as he turned the car off and leaned over to kiss you, his hands creeping down to your thighs, stroking them gently, feeling your body slip beneath his. Oh so this was happening then…

 

‘Hello agent Coulson.’ The woman at the academy reception greeted Phil. ‘And your wife, we expected you both a little over an hour ago?’

‘Yes, we had car trouble.’ Phil said simply, you could see the slight glint in his eye and you were suddenly aware of your body beginning to ache.

‘Nothing major I hope.’ She smiled warmly and handed over a couple of files. ‘Some promising students we would like you to watch out for today.’ She explained. Phil nodded and with his hand on the small of your back guided you further into the academy.

‘She called me your wife.’ You stated.

‘Yes.’ Phil frowned.

‘You didn't correct her?’

‘Well girlfriend is slightly juvenile and partner could mean anything.’ Phil said echoing those same words you'd said to him. ‘Luke is usually on the track at this time, do you want to go and see him?’ Phil was already taking you that way.

‘Yes!’

It was easy enough to identify him, he was the one running significantly faster than anyone else and lapping most students. Phil did his agent thing and began scouting a few of the students he'd been interested in and you simply sat on the bleachers and watched Luke train. You were happy to see that any time he took a rest break, he was surrounded with friends and even got a little female attention. Your phone buzzed, you glanced at it and saw that Darcy had already had a break down due to your absence.

‘Hey Darcy.’ You said giving her a call.

‘Really? You're opening with ‘hey Darcy’? How about, ‘hey sorry I'm not there, leaving you all alone to deal with newbie agents and alien artefacts that you haven't got the first clue about?’’ She yelled.

‘Would you like me to call back?’

‘Don't push it boss lady.’ You could tell that she was at least trying to intimidate you. ‘When are you coming back? Last time you said you were leaving for a couple days, you didn't come back. I've got real abandonment issues here!’

‘I'll be back tomorrow Darcy, just make sure the lab hasn't been set on fire or blown up or anything.’ You chuckled, missing her running around the office already.

‘Well, if you're not sitting at your desk moping at nine sharp, I will consider this a breach of trust.’

‘Yes ma'am.’ You said before laughing and hanging up. Phil had managed to sneak up on you and sat beside you.

‘You need to go back?’ He asked.

‘No, it's just Darcy freaking out because I'm not there.’ You chuckled.

‘Have you spoken to Luke yet?’

‘No, he's with his friends, I don't want to be that kind of mom.’ You crinkled your nose at the thought of you being that embarrassing parent who always tries to get involved in their child's life.

‘Well, would it help if I told you that two of his friends will hopefully be linguistics field agents?’ Phil smiled. ‘They might like to meet you?’

You took a moment to watch Phil. ‘Why are you smiling so much?’

Phil flushed pink. ‘I'm not going to say it out loud.’ He said in a hushed voice. ‘But I have seen you naked.’

It was your turn to feel your cheeks turn pink. You both laughed at the ridiculousness of what you did on the ride over. ‘I knew there was a reason I loved you.’ You smiled at Phil.

‘You mean it wasn't my Captain America card collection? And to think I was going to take you on a tour of the museum on the way back.’ Phil gave you a wink.

You just shook your head and laughed.

‘Come on.’ Phil stood up and held his hand out for you to take. Luke had spotted you on the bleachers and began walking towards you. ‘Let's go say hi.’

Luke walked up to you with a huge grin on his face. He immediately gave you a hug and you realised just how strong he was.

‘You guys here recruiting again?’ He said shaking Phil's hand. 

‘Yeah, your mom and I are just scouting for the day.’ Phil said with his arm around you, he gave you a quick kiss. ‘Speaking of which, I need to see to something. Look after your mom, for some reason she's nervous.’

‘Hey! Go scout.’ You retorted. Phil gave you another wink and left.

Luke held out his arm for you to take and you began walking around the outside of the track.

‘So why are you nervous?’ Luke asked curiously.

‘Oh, I'm not. I'm just happy to see you.’ You chuckled. ‘Your fathers just in a joking mood.’

‘I'll say!’ Luke exclaimed. ‘I've never seen him this happy in a recruitment drive. You guys are always happier when you're together. It's nice.’

You smiled and rested your head on Luke's arm for a moment. ‘Why do I feel like this is a recent thing?’ Luke said.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Dad said something the other day,’ Luke stared off at where Phil was watching a group of students. ‘He said a lot of things but one thing I remember him saying, that he always felt like he was hurting you, before I was taken I mean. Is that true?’

You were suddenly struck by the rawness of the question.

‘Luke, before you were even born, your father and I struggled to be together.’ You explained carefully. ‘We hurt each other a lot, the amount of times we broke up and made up again, I lose track of how many. But you're right, we’re much happier now, you are a huge part of that.’

‘Do you think this is it now?’ Luke asked again.

‘I don't know what's in store for us. But I'll never feel about anyone else the way I feel about your father. That's fact.’ You hoped you had shone a little light on what Luke was curious about.

‘Do you think I'll find someone like that?’ He finally said.

‘I hope so. I hope you get to feel all the things we felt, the first time you meet them and your stomach feels like it's going to plummet through the floor, the first time you realise you're in love and that slight panic sets in, the first time you think they could be the one you grow old with…’ You remembered all those times with Phil, some were harder to remember than others, but all were clear as day, that's how you knew he was the one.

‘That sounds nice.’ 

You watched Luke try to process all the information he had been given before he finally looked back at you and gave you a winning smile.

‘Are you enjoying it here?’ You asked, changing the topic.

‘Yeah, I really am!’ Luke suddenly had an air of excitement you weren't sure you'd seen before. ‘I've made some friends and learnt so much about this world. Angela, she's biochem, she taught me how to make cake, I really love cake!’ You couldn't help but laugh.

‘Phil loves cake as well.’

‘What kind?’

‘Erm… Any kind that comes out of the oven really.’ You laughed again.

‘You make cake?’ Luke was so enthusiastic about cake that it pulled at your heart strings and started to bring a tear to your eye.

‘When I find the time.’ You said, wiping away a tear. ‘I'll make you some, next time you're home.’

‘Are you okay?’ You both stopped and Luke wiped away another tear.

‘I'm fine, I'm just happy you've found something you like.’ You chuckled.

‘I like lots of other things too. But maybe I should save them for when I have more tissues on me?’ Luke laughed. He was just like Phil, so cheeky and charming all at the same time. 

‘You!’ You sniffed. ‘Tell me what else you like.’

‘I like seeing you happy. I like seeing dad happy.’ Luke said before giving you another hug, you felt as if this was it, this was as happy as you would ever feel and nothing would top it.

You and Luke continued to talk about the things he found he liked and he even showed you a car he was building, he was quite the engineer.

When it was time for you to leave you felt yourself welling up again, you would miss Luke but the summer holidays were just around the corner and he would be home for a few weeks at least, you would have plenty of time to see him then.

‘Did you get everything you needed?’ You asked as Phil drove you both home.

‘Yeah, some very promising students. I'll need to figure out which teams to integrate them into in the coming weeks, but hopefully we’ll have the makings of some fine agents.’ He said. ‘How's was your day with Luke?’

‘Good.’ You sighed. ‘I cried.’

Phil just laughed at you, so you playfully hit him. 

‘It wasn't funny!’ You chuckled.

‘I'm sorry, I'm just not that surprised, he's been eager to see you all week.’ Phil smiled. ‘Did he show you the car he's building?’

‘Yeah, says he really enjoys working with his hands.’ You thought back to the smile on his face when he unveiled the vehicle.

You yawned and settled down watching Phil drive. You were sure that Phil continued speaking but you were too tired to hear it and eventually fell asleep, content that your world was as it should be.


	16. The End

The summer was on you faster than you expected and Luke was home finally. He and Phil had been working on building a house on a plot of land that Phil had recently bought and so the both of them were busy with that on Phil's days off. Luke had finished the car he had been building so would regularly take the most recent plans up to the plot and continue building the house. You had less time off than Phil but the days you did have were either spent looking at the design plans or teaching Luke how to make things like cake. You enjoyed the time spent together and it was clear that Luke was eager to prove himself a good son. 

The bus was set to return and leave again by the time the summer was over and Luke was beyond excited for the opportunity to go out into the world and see it for himself. It was hardly surprising then, that he spent a lot of time looking things up on the internet and asking questions about what would be required of him. He was thorough just like his parents and he was incredible at absorbing the information you provided him with.

Phil had come to your office one evening when everything was quiet, most people had left the building by the time he came around and you had been stressing out over a particular deadline that you were never going to meet. An artefact sat in the lab next door and you had to work out how to open it, you’d had Fitzsimmons take a look and they couldn’t give you anymore information on how to get into it. You typed up your very short report and sent it off hoping it wouldn’t come to anything until the morning.

You downed the rest of your coffee and continued working until you heard the familiar creaking of the door, Phil came in with a smile on his face.

‘What’s put a smile on your face?’ You asked, still working away on your notes.

‘I’ve had a good day.’ He said casually sitting opposite you. ‘I take it you haven’t?’

‘How can you tell?’ Sarcasm lacing your voice.

‘Well, I’ve got good news.’ Phil caught your attention. ‘Luke has finished the house.’

‘Really?!’

‘Yeah, just needs a few details ironed out, but its finished.’

‘That is good news.’ You smiled. 

And with that you put your pen down and left the office. Phil drove you up to the newly built structure and it was beautiful. Luke waved you over to the stone driveway and you look up at the modern two storey house.

Luke opened the car door for you and led you over to the mahogany front door, smiling he opened it and showed you a gorgeous reception with white wood panelled walls and a wooden stair case that still needed carpet to be laid. The floors were dark wood and warm beneath your feet. The living area was spacious and again had dark wood floor and white wood panel half way up, leading into the dining area and off to the kitchen that was the same except the dark granite surfaces on the island and countertops. You wandered up stairs to find four large rooms, a master bedroom with an en suite, two spare bedrooms and an office space. All rooms still needed carpeted but they were beautiful just the same.

You went back down stairs to see Phil waiting for you.

‘You guys have done some good work.’ You said, wrapping your arms around Phil’s waist and leaning up to kiss him. ‘Where’s Luke?’

‘He’s finishing up some stuff in the workshop.’ Phil wrapped his hands around your hips. He held you close to his chest and breathed you in again. ‘Come on, lets go outside.’

Phil held your hand and led you out to the back of the house, the view was amazing, you looked out onto the city and breathed in the fresh cool air. You felt Phil wrap his hands around you again and kiss your neck, you stood for the longest time just being with each other and looking out onto the city.

‘We can move in just before christmas.’ Phil finally said, breaking the slight trance you were in. ‘How does that sound?’  
‘Perfect.’

You didn’t want to admit it but you had cried slightly when you watched the bus take off with Luke on it and wished him all the best. The summer had been perfect, apart from a minor Hydra attack on base that brought out Luke’s more aggressive side, he was all the teenage boy he should have been during the summer. He met up with friends and often swung by your office for lunch, Steve was impressed with Luke and whenever he had time, would spar with him in the training rooms.

Phil had become somewhat more attentive once Luke was travelling, he visited you more often in your office and kissed you with more intensity when no one was looking. It wasn’t unwelcome but it did make you slightly suspicious.

‘What’s going on Phil?’ You asked eventually. You had been working in the office, reshuffling files when Phil got home from work, he looked tired as he rolled up his sleeves and sat down in the office chair watching you. At some point you had noticed him and gone to sit across his legs, kissing him deeply as you did.

‘I’m happy.’ Was all he said and began kissing you passionately again.

‘Is that all?’ You checked, breaking the kiss and regretting it as soon as you did.

‘Yeah,’ Phil smiled. ‘I’m just really happy, not every minute of everyday, but generally speaking… I’m happy.’

‘I’ve noticed less nightmares.’ You pointed out.

‘They’re not as violent either, I don’t feel exhausted when I wake up.’ Phil frowned. ‘I haven’t hurt you have I?’ 

‘No, you haven’t. I’m okay. I’m happy too.’

‘Good.’ Phil kissed you again. ‘By the way, we’re heading to New York before Christmas. Stark has a big expo up there and everyone’s invited.’

‘Since when do you go to Stark Expos?’ You chuckled.

‘It might be fun.’ Phil reasoned. You just shrugged and continued kissing him, until you really needed to get back to work.

 

The Stark Expo was just around the corner and you were heading to New York early on assignment and when you got back you’d be moving into your new house. You had been extremely stressed in recent times due to a few new members on your team and some reports that needed to be finished asap. You tried to get as much done on the flight over as possible, Phil even gave you a hand and you wondered if you’d ever be able to keep up with this part of the job.

‘It just takes practice… and the ability to know which agents to pawn what work off onto.’ Phil gave you a wink. You’d noticed he’d been a little nervous lately and you couldn’t quite place why, but it might have been something to do with the hundreds of messages Stark and Pepper had been leaving him, making sure that you were definitely coming. Apparently it was a big deal because everyone was going to be there for the after party that doubled as a sort of SHIELD christmas party.

You had fallen asleep on the plane and Phil had woken you up only to kiss you back to sleep in the hotel room. You loved feeling his heart beat underneath your ear as you drifted off to sleep, it was safe and easy. You thought you heard Phil talking to Luke at one point but you were too tired to wake up for it.

You felt good on the night of the Expo, you wore a cream dress, simple but it clung to your figure well. You finished getting ready when Phil walked in wearing an open neck white dress shirt and his usual black suit, you had your music playing and there was a good feeling when you looked in the mirror and caught Phil’s reaction to seeing you for the first time that evening.  
‘You like?’ You said, still watching him in the mirror.

‘You’re beautiful.’ He said quietly, it was more of a realisation than him telling you. You finished adjusted your hair, tying it up, since you’d let it grow out properly, you found it took just a little longer to get ready for events and to be honest you didn’t mind as much as you thought you would.

Phil had a darkened look in his eyes, before he walked up behind you and gently kissed along your shoulder and neck. You felt that resistance that you hadn’t felt in a long time, Phil holding himself back from what he wanted most in that moment. You heard him regain his breathing before he spoke again.

‘Marry me.’ He whispered against your ear, watching your reaction in the mirror.

‘I thought we already agreed we would?’ You gave him a puzzled look.

‘Tonight.’ He almost begged.

‘Phil-‘ You said, unsure of what you were going to say next.

‘Please.’ Phil brought out a small box from his pocket. You could see it next to your hip in the mirror and it sent both fear and excitement shooting through your body. This was why Phil had been nervous, why he had been so attentive and why he had to leave half way through the day for reasons that seemed slightly farfetched even for him.

Phil got down on his knee and opened the box to reveal a simple, but beautiful diamond ring as you turned to face him. ‘I should have done this the first time I realised I was in love with you. Marry me.’ 

‘You’re lucky I haven’t put mascara on yet.’ You chuckled, tears beginning to pour from your eyes. ‘Yes. Yes, of course Phil.’ 

Phil was overjoyed, he slipped the ring onto your finger and picked you up, wrapping his arms around you and kissing you without the resistance he had before hand, without anything stopping him from being happy. Eventually you had both calmed down enough that you simply swayed to the music that still echoed through your room.

‘I love you, Phil Coulson.’ You whispered, you felt Phil take a deep breath and smile against your ear again.

‘We’re going to be late to the wedding.’ He said.

You weren’t exactly sure if Phil was joking or not. ‘You’re serious?’

‘The Expo isn’t until tomorrow night, tonight is for us.’ Phil smiled, all the love in the world in his eyes. You were about to ask a million questions when he made you stop. ‘Just trust me, you look beautiful and everything is ready, you just need to come with me and trust me.’

‘Okay.’ You agreed and finished getting ready, there was a lot to be nervous for but you were happy all the same.

Phil drove you to a familiar venue in New York, the old bar you used to work in, apparently Stark had bought the place and refurbished the whole thing. It was gorgeous, much more upscale than you had remembered and the inside of the building was just as beautiful. Gustav still worked on the door and you hugged him tightly as he commented on how good you looked, Max the manager was the same, he had also gotten married and had a child in the time you had been away, though you didn’t mention the fact that your child was now an eighteen year old man, while his was still in infancy.

The night was wonderful, you had a drink and talked to everyone in the room before, Stark took the stage to announce that the ceremony was about to start. Phil took your hand and led you outside where it had started to snow, you barely noticed the cold until Phil gave you his jacket to keep you warm. He kissed your forehead and reminded you to breathe.

You looked out to everyone that had sat down to watch you get married, you could see all of your friends ready and waiting, some had cuts and bruises from recent missions, but everyone was wearing a smile, even Fury could be seen with the occasional twitch of approval. You had spotted Luke at the very front of the aisle, he gave you a brief wave and you thought just how handsome he looked in his suit.

‘Are you ready?’ Phil asked, you could see real worry in his eyes, but you sympathised, this was a huge event for any SHIELD agent, mostly because it wasn’t exactly allowed, but Fury had given his blessing. Partly also was the sad fact that rarely did an agent live to see a happy day in their lives. 

‘I am.’ You watched his face light up in a huge smile. Phil kissed your cheek, you took a deep breath walked down the aisle this man that gave you everything he could, even when he had nothing and gave you his heart in a million pieces, begging you to put it back together because with Phil it was easy, life was easy, love was easy, everything was easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it guys, thank you to everyone who stayed with me from start to finish and thank you to everyone who inspired pieces of the story along the way. I love you all and good night. Love Jadders92 xxx


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